Hetalia: Truth or Dare
by CutelittleMouseygirl
Summary: A fanfiction classic! Torment your favorite characters like the old days of 2010 when I was 12 and this genre was actually popular! Read it, love it, leave a review! However, if your intent is to complain about the formatting, please direct yourself to my PM box so as to keep real reviewers out of it! Have a great time reading!
1. Fixing up the ol house'o'dares

_The scene opens on a dusty old warehouse room. There's a raised stage area, covered by part of the roof which has fallen in, which goes to the back wall. There is also a door on the back wall which has fallen off the hinges marked with sign that says "Naughty Closet" in peeling black paint. The large doors at the other end of the warehouse swing open creating a large cloud of dust shrouding the figure standing at the door. As the dust clears, the figure is seen to be a chubby girl about five feet tall. She is wearing a simple outfit of a large baggy black hoodie and green cargo pants with heavy-looking black boots tucked into them. This contradicts her childish appearance mostly made by the thick plastic frames of her glasses which frame her face._

 _She stands up on the stage and a smirk crosses her face as she produces a small silver laptop that among other things feature Hollywood sticker and a blue and yellow equality sign. She sets it on a battered desk to the side of the stage, and puts her arms in the air, her hoodie sleeves covering her hands save for her thumbs through the holes cut in the sleeves that she probably insists is for style. The girl, with her arms in the air, looks over the wrecked, abandoned stage and speaks._

Iggy: Author Powers, RESTORE!

-everything is restored to like new-

Iggy: -smirk- Now, BRING ME MY SUBJECTS.

-a batch of very confused nations appear, some still in their pajamas because time zones-

Iggy: Now, I need a co-host. POWERS, OC.

-Another nation appears, he looks a lot like America, only smaller and with more golden than dirty blond hair that dips down over the bridge of his nose instead of sticking up like America's Nantucket. He is wearing a red flannel shirt, suspenders and dusty jeans tucked into equally dusty work boots.-

Iggy: -turns to crowd of confused nations- Alright, so, welcome to CutelittleMouseygirl's Hetalia: Truth or Dare, where we cater to Hetalians old and young who want to torment their favorite countries!

America: What's with the short angry army chick?

England: No idea.

Iggy: I'm CutelittleMouseygirl herself, but you can all call me Iggy! It says it on the back of my hoodie, see? -turns around to reveal the white lettering on her hoodie that says "Iggy" with a heart after it, this is legit a hoodie I own, I wear it everywhere yes people do ask if I mean Iggy Azalea or whatever and I don't-

England: Fair enough, but who's the one with you? He isn't a nation.

Iggy: Oh yes he is! This is Jason G. Jones, the Confederate States of America.

America: Um, that's not a thing anymore.

Iggy: True, so mostly he's just Southern and kind of... Southern... yeah. You all can call him South.

South: -looks America over- Hm. Can I push him into that there pit? -points at pit that is filling with curious young females-

Iggy: Yeah, sure. If those girls don't rip him apart then the fall might break his neck!

South: -shoves America into the pit-

Girls: -inhuman screaming as they tear at America's clothes but like there's only ten of them right now so good luck-

America: THIS IS MAKING ME VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. -squirming-

-the screaming attracted thousands more girls who quickly fill the pit and overpower America-

Iggy: And now we have a fangirl pit, like all the old fics used to!

South: ...'old fics?' You're 17.

Iggy: Yeah and I was in the fanbase when these fics were popular, when I was 12!

England: You're not 12? Hm, you don't look it.

Iggy: -presses button and England is flung into the fanpit via a hidden springboard-

England: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Iggy: Anyway, the way this works is you send in embarrassing questions for literally any character, and yes, I have 2p!nations in here. -points at 2p!England- See?

2p!England: -notices the attention is on him- -cheerfully waves-

Iggy: An example would be like, "England is springboarded into the fanpit" or "America and Canada have to go in the Naughty Closet together."

South: That's gay. -disgust-

Iggy: It's legal! Welcome to Seattle, where gay marriage was always a thing!

South: -huffs since he's out-numbered on that topic-

Iggy: Also you can torment South since he is actually a walking heap of trash.

South: Hey!

Iggy: -hugs South- but he is also my favorite OC which is why he is here.

South: Send things so she leaves me alone, for the love of God!

 _ **So, I guess send things in. Also if anyone is interested read "A Civil War Tale" for dirt on South. Read it, love it, send a review!**_


	2. Everyone is very angry

Iggy: -throws party- PEOPLE LOVE US!

South: -hands Iggy paper- Here. Our first-ever review.

 _Canada, impersonate your brother._

 _2p!England, what's in your cupcakes? They taste so good!_

 _South, be honest, how many times have you eaten roadkill in your life?_

 _America, same question._

 _France, out of all the people you've slept with in your life, who's in your top three?_

 _-trashlord_

Canada: -deep breath- -quietly- I'm rude and loud and I want to eat hamburgers all day and yet never get any fatter! HEROES.

America: RUDE.

2p!England: Well, I make my own special red dye for my red velvet ones, and as for the others, love! Of course, there's happiness and such in the red dye too! I'm glad you like them! Would you like another?

Iggy: Uh, we're good.

South: Lots of times.

Everyone: -wtf looks-

South: Look, it ain't gross if you saw it die!

America: I'd never eat roadkill! Gross!

South: You're gross!

America: Gross gross gross!

South: -shouting at America-

Iggy: -fires South's shotgun into the air- SHUT UP.

South and America: -shut up-

France: England makes the cutest noises, and well, he can scream, too... some of the 2p!s are very good as well, like Al for example who does everything I want, and hmm... Ukraine, she is good too... -going on and on-

Iggy: Alright, moving on...

 _Oh yay. love these. Just call me Vamp. Now who to dare. hehe._  
 _Truths:_  
 _Germany, what made you start your collection?_  
 _Italy, When was the first time you ate pasta?_  
 _Romano, why do you always act so tough? It is okay to show people a kinder side._

 _Dares:_  
 _England, make America some of your scones. He has to eat them. Oh can i have one too? love your scones :)_  
 _Hmm who else, Japan! I dare you to sing and dance to Hello Kitty by Avril lavine. (can't spell)_  
 _France, kiss the country of your choice. and they are free to retaliate in any way Iggy allows._  
 _that is all for now~_  
 _-Vampchick2010_

Germany: -flustered- Um, uh... whatever do you mean? Hehe...

Iggy: -innocently looks out at the audience- I bet he started it because his big brother Prussia introduced him to bad, bad things!

South: That is weird because you look twelve. Stop it.

Iggy: -pout- ok. -grin- So, Italy, when did you first eat pasta?

Italy: Ve? Oh! When I was little, Grandpa Rome gave it to me!

Iggy: Awww. And Romano, -talk show host voice- Why are you so angry?

Romano: Because everyone pisses me off. Now -bleep- off.

Iggy: -points to oven- England, make some scones!

England: -doing so- I'm glad someone appreciates my cooking! -hands Vamp a fresh scone from on the stage- Here you are, love. Glad you like them. America, do you want one?

America: UH... No, I'm good.

Iggy: Do you wanna eat it or do you wanna go into the fanpit?

America: -looks down at the fan girls who are eying him hungrily- Uh... -looks at the burnt scone in England's hand- This is a bad place for the hero...

England: Oh come on, America, you ate them when you were little!

America: True... so I guess it won't kill me. Those girls, however, will tear me into bits which will kill me. -holds out hand for the scone- Give me that. -puts entire thing in mouth-

Other nations: -applause-

America: Urk... -throws up on the stage-

Iggy: This is going great!

South: Let me try one. I'll do it better than Yankee-boy! _(-Hetalia narrator voice- During the Civil War the Southerners called the Northerners Yankees, and the Northerners called the Southerners Rebels. South doesn't like to admit he lost the war and also lacks creativity in insults, so he still keeps up the habit of calling America variations of Yankee!)_

Iggy: Thanks for that fun fact, narrator! _(You're welcome.)_

South: -eating scone- It ain't half bad. I had some rotten salt-pork once, and that was a lot worse than this.

Iggy: South, you sound like an old man. Stop.

South: -stops-

Iggy: Alright, -looks at paper- France, kiss someone. Then I'll decide what weapon they can hit you with.

France: That is not-

Iggy: South.

South: -produces shotgun and points it at France-

France: Alright, who wants to kiss?

Everyone: ...

2p!America: -smirk- -raises hand-

2p!Canada: -smacks 2p!America's hand down-

2p!America: -glares at 2p!Canada while rubbing hand-

France: Nobody? Fine. -kisses England- Because I know it will piss you off~

England: -turns bright red- you-you-you IDIOT! STUPID! WHY?

Iggy: While England is short-circuiting why don't you shoot France anyway, South. It's what England would want.

South: With pleasure. -aims and shoots-

France: -smirk- Well I must say, you don't taste nearly as bad as your cooking- -shot by shotgun-

South: -standing over France's body- That's what you get for disobeying nature's laws.

Everyone: -offended-

Iggy: Like I said, he's... Southern.

England: -still blushing- I'm starting to think "Southern" is a euphemism for intolerant and stupid.

Iggy: -shrug- He does conform to all the stereotypes. Anyway, Powers, uh, make France alive again.

France: -alive again- What happened just now?

Iggy: We're moving on, that's what! -scrolls through email for next review-

 _Asking all the Nations What happen to Mexico_  
 _Asking England if he really is in love with America_  
 _Daring China To make out with Russia and if China Does ,Give him Hello Kitty dressed like a panda_  
 _Daring Canada To slap America Five times randomly_  
 _Daring England to tell Sealand that he and America are his Parents and he was made from America and England having Sex_  
 _Daring France to beat up by South_  
 _.SP_

America: Um, well, Mexico... uh... couldn't come.

South: All them third-world nations are too poor to travel to some rainy Yankee city to be on some stupid show, is what he means.

America: -glares- Mexico isn't a third-world country.

South: Look, I live near the border and lemme tell you-

Iggy: -slides in front of South- Alright so before South offends everyone again, let's move on.

England: Of course I'm not in love with America! He's like a little brother, or even a child to me!

America: Ewwwww. Why do people think I'd kiss him? He's like my dad or something! Incest is South's thing!

South: WHAT!? -shotgun- WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE?!

Iggy: -holds South by his suspenders- Hold on there, cowboy...

America: I heard about what happened with your cousin Mary! Gross!

South: -fighting against Iggy- OH THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GOING DOWN, BOY! -stops fighting and just shoots America with the shotgun-

America: -shot directly into the fanpit- -not terribly injured but swarmed by fangirls- aaaaAAAAAAAH!

Iggy: -lets go of South- Wow, aggressive. Anyway, China, make out with Russia.

China: ... -looks at Russia-

Russia: -creepy aura-

China: ...What happens if I don't?

Iggy: Then I push you into the fanpit, bring you out, and then see if you'll do it then, and if you won't, the cycle repeats until you do.

South: ...And you called me aggressive?

Iggy: Sh. Now, do it, China. -purposely not telling him about the prize he gets for doing it-

China: -crosses arms- Fine. But only one kiss. -nervously approaches Russia and kisses him, ends up dragged off into the Naughty Closet- AIYYAAH!

Iggy: ...-types a little on laptop- I have a live stream of what happens in there if anyone wants to-

Hungary: -over there instantly- Let me see! I'll give you five dollars for a copy.

Iggy: Sweet!

South: Yuck. -Iggy doesn't react, too busy watching- -sigh- -looks at next dare- Guess I better go save Yankee-boy. -heads off to go off the stage into the fanpit.

England: Won't you be attacked?

South: Nah. OCs don't have fangirls, according to Iggy. -jumps in- -returns a little later dragging a very beat up and traumatized America-

America: -twitch- -shiver- -whimper-

China: -comes out of closet with Russia- Happy?

Iggy: Hungary sure is! Also, for being very brave, here! -hands China a giant Hello Kitty plush wearing a cute panda outfit with a little hood and everything-

China: -takes the plush- It's so cute! -hugging it- CUTE CUTE CUTE!

Iggy: Awww. Anyway, how's America, South?

South: He's... There.

America: -curled up in a ball, whimpering-

Iggy: -takes out America plushie- Show me where the fangirls touched you.

America: -puts hand on the entire plushie-

Iggy: Oh. Well, Powers, um... Restore Mental State!

America: -sits up- I'm fine now. Huh.

Iggy: Sealand come here! America and England wanna talk to you!

Sealand: -looking up at both of them- What is it?

England: -sighs- -mutters- It's for the dare, it's for the dare, it's so I don't get thrown into that horrid pit by that psycho of a girl... -out loud- Well, Sealand... You're... -winces- Me and America's child. That we had. I gave birth to you.

Sealand: -stare- Really?!

England: ...-looks at fanpit where England fangirls eagerly await him being tossed to them- Err, yes?

Iggy: You hesitated. -pushes button-

England: -springboarded into fanpit- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Iggy: I love that button.

South: -smirk-

France: -whining- But he already shot me once!

Iggy: Okay, so some rules here, South, to prolong the suffering. No guns, and give me that hunting knife of yours. -takes it- And your pistol. -takes it too- Why do you even have that?

South: Protection.

Iggy: -sighs- The guy won't use a condom because it's "ungodly" but he carries a concealed weapon...

France: -looking South over- I could probably beat him in a hand-to-hand combat.

Everyone else: -snORT-

France: -tackled by South because he was too busy looking at everyone all offended- AH! -beaten to a pulp-

Iggy: Well, that's a great way to end this chapter!

South: -grinning- I always wanted to beat up a Frenchie!

Iggy: Frickin' cutie. -ruffles South's hair-

South: Hey! I'm older than you!

Iggy: Anyway, keep sending in your reviews! I'm so glad this genre of fanfic is still popular, even five years after 2010.

South: What happened in 2010?

Iggy: -shakes head- Nothing important. Anyway, read it, love it, send a review!


	3. China turns into a crane fly

_**Okay so to the guest who reported me, I think I might know who you are, and if you're who I think, didn't I block you and report you for harrassment? You're on thin ice, friend. Also literally this is the only one I update on. I further suspect you are the same person I've been having trouble with because of your omnipresent inability to read the "updated" dates on stories.**_

 _ **Bottom line, leave me alone because I'm pretty sure I know your offical account and I will keep reporting you until you're banned and never harass an innocent kid again.**_

 _ **Also if you aren't that person, you're still a d*ck. Stop it. Get a life.**_

 ** _Anyway, on to the fic._**

Iggy: So I just put that chapter up like, today, and we already have more reviews!

Nations: -groan-

Iggy: -folds laptop backwards into a tablet- Okay, -walks to center of stage with it- here's the first review!

Hello and welcome to hell

 _Truths_

 _Romano: why do you hate Germany so much? Give us a real reason._

 _Germany: can you name what countries is in your Germanic family?_

 _Italy brothers: is Seborga an Italy brother and is there any other surprise relatives?_

 _Japan: what's with you and yaoi?_

 _2p Italy: do you care about your counterpart? What is the one thing that you two have in common?_

 _2p nations: what are your thoughts about your counterparts?_

 _1p nations: same question_

 _Dares_

 _Russia: do something impossible_

 _Italy: defy gravity by making a sand sculpture_

 _2p Italy: hug your 1p and tell him you care about him_

 _2p England: eat either a hamburger or England's scones, your choice_

 _America: eat healthy by eating a salad_

 _Romano: smile_

 _Japans: do an awesome sword dance with each other_

 _-topaz3_

Romano: -huffs- It's because he's taking away my little brother who's too stupid to know any better!

Iggy: -slides in- Also Germany can please cute little Italy like his brother never could~~

Romano: WHAT THE -bleep-!? NO! THAT IS NOT THE -bleep-ING REASON. GET AWAY FROM HERE YOU -bleep- -bleep- -bleep-! -shoves Iggy away-

Iggy: Heh heh heh.

South: -looks at Iggy- You know you're disgusting, right?

Iggy: Yeah, but everyone still loves me!

Germany: Of course I can name my family. There's my older brother, Prussia,

Prussia: -waves and grins-

Germany: There's Austria, and Switzerland, and Liechtenstein and I think Luxembourg. Which means I'm technically related to Netherlands and Belgium too. But Belgium is France's sister which means I'm also sort of related to... -goes on and on-

Iggy: ... -pushes button-

Germany: ...and didn't we all come from three or four ancient nations- -springboarded into fanpit-

Other nations: -watch Germany fly into the fanpit- ...

Iggy: Thus we can conclude that every pairing in Hetalia somehow comes back to incest! So, the UsUk fanbase is no more wrong than the FrUk fans!

Fangirls: -start a UsUk VS FrUK war-

Iggy: ...I shouldn't have mentioned it. Anyway, onward!

Italy: Seaborga is between me and Romano in age! Romano is the oldest and I'm the baby!

Romano: We have a sister but she doesn't like to come to nation functions, since she's... religious.

Italy: She's younger than Seborga! -suddenly sulks- I wish Iggy had brought in Vatican... I miss her.

Iggy: -pats Italy- She isn't really official so uh, I guess that's why I didn't bring in her or Mexico, or Iraq, or North Korea all of which I have OCs for?

America: Sheesh that's a list of people I have slept with.

Everyone: -stares at America-

America: ...I mean, uh...

South: Do you make a habit out of sleeping with your enemies?

America: -sweats- No?

Russia: -comes up behind America- Da, he does. -puts hand on America's shoulder- Remember during the cold war, America? (^J^)

America: -shoves Russia away- oKAY MOVING ON.

Iggy: So, Japan, talk about yaoi.

Japan: -blush- Uh... I... -runs-

South: Can I shoot him?

Iggy: No, I have a solution. -presses button-

Japan: -springboarded into fanpit- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh! -consumed by weeaboos-

Iggy: -looks at 2p!Italy- So, how do you feel about him? -points at Italy who is frantically looking over the fangirl crowd for Germany-

2p!Italy: He's a wuss. But I guess he's sort of cute. We both sort of like pasta I guess. I like white sauce better than the red kind though.

Iggy: 2p!s have the randomest differences, sheesh...

England: My 2p is scary. -glances around- -loudly whispers- I think he kills people for his cupcake ingredients.

2p!England: -was hanging upside-down from the rafters right above England- Now why would you think that?

England: ...Um... -notices 2p!England's knife- Ahahaha... no reason.

America: I don't like my 2p. He's too violent, and he steals. He's not a hero.

2p!America: -bleep-in' dork. -ruffles America's hair- I love him! He's hella cute.

Canada: Well, I think that- -springboarded into fanpit-

Iggy: South!

South: -shrug-

2p!Canada: I'll go get him. -heads into the fanpit, returns with Canada-

Canada: -blushing- Er, thank you, I guess...

2p!Canada: -slight blush- ...Cutie...

-pretty much all the nations are scared of their 2p!s or find them cute-

Iggy: Alright, so moving on to dares! Russia- -looks around- Russia?

Russia: -descends from ceiling- Da?

Iggy: ...-stares- Alright, then. -looks back at laptop/tablet-

Italy: But there isn't any sand here!

Iggy: Powers, sand! -sand falls from the heavens and blankets the stage, getting in everyone's hair and eyes and stuff except for Iggy who had an umbrella- There we go!

Italy: -rubbing eyes- Okay, I'll try!

-an hour later-

South: Look, I made one! -pile of sand with a stick in it-

Iggy: I'm so proud. -sarcasm-

Italy: Look at mine! -elaborate statue of a pretty young girl-

Iggy: You did that with dry sand!?

Italy: Ve~

Iggy: Well then. Um, Powers... No more sand? -sand disappears with a poof- Cool.

2p!Italy: -loud huff- Fine. -awkward stiff hug- I care about you. -monotone-

Italy: -hugs back- I care about you too!

2p!England: -looks at England's scones left over from last chapter- Ugh. No offense to you, but I'd rather eat the hamburger!

America: -hands hamburger to 2p!England-

2p!England: -consumes burger- Not nearly as bad as I thought! -grin-

America: -whiny- But I don't like salads!

Iggy: Powers, salad! -bowl of salad appears- I don't like salad either but you gotta do it!

America: But I don't wanna!

Iggy: Heroes don't whine. Do it!

America: -chokes down a couple bites- Am I done yet?

South: Not yet, Yankee-boy! -shoves salad into America's mouth, choking him to death- Whoops...

Iggy: Powers, revive! -America wakes up-

America: -glares at South- You killed me!

South: On accident!

America: Ugh, this is why nobody likes the South. -stomps off-

South: ...I don't like him either. He should'a let me secede if he didn't like me so much. -stalks off grumbling-

Iggy: Alright then. Civil War tensions rise. Moving on! Romano, smile.

Romano: -bleep- no.

Iggy: Spain, help me.

Spain: ...-arm waving- fusosososososo

Romano: -loud sigh- -forced smile- Okay, you can stop that -bleep- now, Spain.

Spain: -stops-

South: -blaring country music in his corner-

Everyone else: -complaining heartily-

Iggy: -covering ears- POWERS, GIVE SOUTH HEADPHONES -it is done- Okay. -uncovers ears- Sheesh. I don't mind country but not at that volume.

Others: -uncover their ears-

Iggy: Well, while South sulks over there, lets continue on! -hands Japan and 2p!Japan each a sword- Go!

-one elaborate sword dance/fight later-

Iggy: ...Japan your hand? -holds up severed hand-

Japan: -dead-

Iggy: ... -throws hand onto dead body- Powers, revive!

Japan: ...Thank you.

Iggy: No problem! South, come here! -South appears- Good. Read the next review.

South: ...

Iggy: Oh wait you can't read lol.

South: ShUT UP!

 _Truths:_

 _Switzerland, how did you react when you found out Italy defeated Turkey?_

 _Switzerland, how would you react if I took you to a psychiatrist or a mental asylum?_

 _Romano, how would you react if you got signed up for anger management classes?_

 _-AphHetaliaLover_

Switzerland: I still can't believe someone like him -points out Italy who is still desperately trying to find Germany in the fanpit- could defeat someone who was a powerful nation!

Iggy: The Italians had their day. Just like the South, only with less racism.

South: I keep telling people I ain't racist.

Iggy: ... -gently pats South's head- Okay.

Switzerland: Why would I need mental help? I'm not crazy!

Iggy: You have more guns than South.

Switzerland: Because I'm older than him and made a habit of collecting old weapons!

Iggy: ...Fair enough. Now, Romano, why don't we actually send you to anger managment!

Romano: -bleep- no! I already went to a bunch of those bull-bleep- classes thanks to this bastard! -points at Spain.

Spain: -waves-

Iggy: Well then. Alright, moving on to the last few reviews we have this chapter...

I loved it

Truth: South have you ever done anything incestuous answer truthfully or I give Iggy permission to shock you

China is there a chance you and Russia dating answer truthfully or Iggy will shock you

Dares:I dare China and Russia to be chased by South Korea and Belarus

China you must be impregnated by Russia and have the baby

.SP

Iggy: Wow, already we have regular reviewers! -excited-

Everyone Else: -looks at South-

South: -sweats- Uh...

Iggy: -stops celebrating to join the torment of South- Hmm... I could make you tell the truth with my powers, or you can talk!

South: -blush- -sigh- Fine. It wasn't on purpose, though. She was real pretty, I was drunk, it was New Years, and I did some things with this girl... -blushing harder- and when I woke up in her room in the morning it was my cousin Mary-Jane. -bright red- Happy?

Iggy: Did she birth an incestuous baby?

Everyone: -stares at Iggy-

Iggy: What? I'm just getting details!

South: -angry blush- No, she did not. -huffs- We decided it ain't unethical to use one of them abortion pills if you accidentally slept with your cousin.

Iggy: -deep liberal-raised breath- The morning after pill, or Plan B is an emergency contriceptive that doesn't cause anything like an abortion, instead it causes the lining of the uterus to immediatly be shed along with any extra cells attatched to it, so it really just starts your period right away. -phew-

South: Yuck, uterus.

Iggy: South has missed the point once again so let's move on. -hand hovers over button- So China, would you date Russia?

China: -looks at Russia- Um... No. -shocked- -falls into fanpit twitching and frothing at the mouth-

Iggy: Well, now the RusChu fanbase can- Wow those UsUk fangirls are really tearing the FrUk apart. Lemme go help. -jumps down into the FrUk side and shouts power commands to even it out- -climbs back up- There we go. I'm a FrUk fan myself, but that doesn't mean I can't see England having pervy fantasies about his cute former colony.

Everyone: -stares at England-

South: -slips away before any more incest comments can be made-

Iggy: Alright, moving on! Powers, Chase mode!

China and Russia: -spot their siblings- -both run off with their siblings right behind them-

Iggy: Wait for it... wait for it... -presses button-

All four: -springboarded into fanpit-

Iggy: Heh heh heh.

South: Now I have to go get the Chinese one and the Commie out of there... -stomps off-

Iggy: -:3-

China and Russia: -see the dare-

China: Aiyah!

Russia: kolkolkolkol -picks China up and carries him into the closet-

Iggy: Well, male nations can probably have babies with no problems, since almost all of you are guys. The species wouldn't survive any other way. -ignoring China's screams-

-several minutes later-

China: -takes pregnancy test- AIYAHHH!

Iggy: Okay, we need to get that baby out of you so everything can go on. Powers, baby! -nothing happens- Uh... Powers, birth? -nothing- Powers... restore? -nope- Okay, uh... -typing on laptop-

South: ...I'll take over. -pulls out LeapReader- _(It's a pen that you scan words with and it reads them for you- my little cousin has one.)_

 _this is a question for everyone. Who's better 2p!America or America (I personally prefer 2p cause hes hot. I mean come ON get a load of those muscles)_

 _-das fangirl_

2p!America: -flirty smirk- Hey, I'm single, if you ever wanna hook up~!

2p!Canada: Yeah, why don't you add to his many hundreds of one night stands he never talked to again.

2p!America: -bleep- you, man. I'm trying to pick up a chick here!

2p!Canada: Trying to break more hearts is more like it!

2p!England: Now, now, boys, there's no need for that. And Al, watch your language.

2p!America: -sticks out tongue-

Everyone: -concludes that America is a better person than his 2p, but 2p!America looks better-

Iggy: Here we go! We'll just turn China into a crane fly! They lay their eggs right after they mate!

South: ...Crane fly?

Iggy: The big clumsy bugs with the wings and the long legs.

South: -blinks-

Iggy: They look like giant mosquitoes.

South: Oh! 'Skeeter-eaters. Got it!

Iggy: ...Crane fly is what it's called.

South: No, I'm pretty sure it's a 'skeeter-eater.

America: No no no, they're daddy long legs!

Iggy: Daddy long legs are spiders. -poofs one in a jar into her hands- Like these!

South: Uh, hun, that's a grandaddy longlegs- he's old so he's lost his wings, you see.

America: It's a harvestman!

Iggy: -poofs jar away- Whatever. You guys are dumb. Anyway, powers, Crane Fly!

China: -turned into a crane fly, bounces and buzzes everywhere angrily-

Iggy: -dives to the ground as China zooms close- oH MY goD I forgot how scared of these guys I am!

South: -rolls eyes- -catches China in a jar- Now do your egg thing and I'll let you out so you can change back-

China: -angrily bats against walls of jar- -does the egg thing- -dies-

Iggy: ... Powers Restore. -China turned back to normal and revived- Okay, so we need a better way to handle that that doesn't trigger my phobias...

South: You work on that while we wait for more reviews.

Iggy: -waves- Okay! Seeya later!

 ** _I have a job interview tomorrow, so wish me luck guys!_**


	4. South's Confederate Pride

_**Thanks to everyone who wished me luck on my interview! I'll get a call tomorrow if they hired me!**_

 _ **Also can people PLEASE help me discourage people who take the time and effort to compose a review just to threaten to report me to the admins who DON'T CARE? I've gotten a few such messages already, asked people to stop doing it, and it's getting annoying. So yeah. I'm not going to make a "hit list" or anything but I'm sick of it and would like to deter it when possible. The next step is making reviews moderated which would be a lot of work for me, so hopefully I won't have to do that.**_

 _ **Don't like the style? Don't read it. Jesus, it's not that hard. One thing I never liked about this fanbase is that so many Hetalians are so anal about everything. Sheesh. Anyway, on to the fic...**_

Iggy: -walks in the back door of the house of dares wearing a zebra-print dress and heeled black boots- I am back!

South: ...You left?

Iggy: Powers, clothes! -back in her normal clothes- Ugh, I had to get up early and dress up. Anyway, South, use your LeapReader-thingy to read the first review!

South: -puts LeapReader on laptop screen- Uh...

Iggy: -takes laptop- Okay, I'll do it.

 _I dare everybody to be really, really drunk for the next two chapters._

 _-meowmix_

Iggy: Because we sort of need to function, I'm going to say we start this at the end of the chapter, and everyone can send us reviews to answer for the next two, specifically. Also it gives South time to go out and get some alcohol.

South: ...-sips from flask nervously- Right, "get."

Iggy: ...You make it, don't you.

South: ...

Iggy: South's confirmation of every stereotype ever aside, let's move on!

 _Luck._

 _Anyway here are some..._

 _Dares_

 _Give Romano those weird braces things so that he has a permanent smile._

 _Make Canada SUUUUPER confadent and stand up to America_

 _GERMITA (if you catch my drift)_

 _And make everyone voice their opinion of Sealand_

 _-fairytailasaurus_

Iggy: Thanks! I hope I was able to act all happy and confident even though I am sad and socially anxious all the time in real life!

South: I got a job already.

Iggy: -pats South- You're older than me. Also, I go to school.

South: I went to school!

Iggy: You went to a Christian prep school in the pre-Civil War South for four years of your childhood. That's not the same thing.

South: Shut the hell your mouth.

Iggy: Anyway, powers, Romano smile!

Romano: -thing put on him so he is forced to smile- -pained whine-

Iggy: You have to keep that on for the rest of the chapter.

Romano: Why?

Iggy: Because the reviewer demanded it and I set the amount of time!

Canada: -deep breath-

Iggy: -whispers to Canada- You still have those slaps to give to America from last chapter!-

Canada: -sudden smirk- -walks over to America- -slaps him-

America: OW! What the -bleep- bro!

Canada: You've outshined me our whole lives, and I'm sick of it! Everyone should notice me, since my country is always going to be better than yours! -points out South- You couldn't even go two hundred years without a civil war, for God's sake! You're an overconfident child, and you don't deserve a seat in the UN Council!

Everyone else: -stares in shock-

America: ...

Canada: ...-sudden blush- Oh God I'm sorry I didn't mean to shout like that! I'm sorry, America, please don't be mad!

America: ...

Iggy: Er... moving on. Germ-ita... I know GerIta, I know GerMano and I know GerMerica... We'll do all of those to maximize suffering! -shoves Germany and Italy into the Naughty Closet- Go! Go!

-The sounds of sex are heard-

Germany and Italy: -emerge from closet-

Iggy: -pushes Germany back in with Romano-

Germany: WHY?

Romano: WHAT THE -bleep- ARE WE GONNA DO HERE!?

Iggy: Do the sex thing or I will get the fangirls in here to make you!

South: -prays-

Iggy: The frick is your problem?

South: I'm praying for forgiveness for participating in all this sinful activity.

Iggy: ...-pats South- Okay. -forces Germany and America into the closet too-

Germany: -emerges- Can I be done now?

Iggy: Okay! -presses button-

Germany: -wince- -nothing happens- -sigh of relief-

America: -springboarded into fanpit- AAAAAAAAhhh!

Iggy: -levitates America out of fanpit- So what does everyone think of Sealand!

South: I'd ally with him.

Everyone Else: Stupid child...

Sealand: -sulks-

Iggy: Aww, don't be sad! Why don't you read the next review!

Sealand: -face lights up- -holds up review paper-

 _I've come back with more insanity! Get ready for humiliation and your dignity shattered!_

 _Truths_

 _Italies: what are your thoughts about felicest?_

 _Prussia: who would you be shipped with? I've also seen some fics that you would do anything even kill to have Italy. How do you feel?_

 _2p England and France: what's your realation?_

 _Sealand: how did you react meeting your parents?_

 _France: how did you feel when you found out Jeanne reincarnated?_

 _All: who is the most badass?_

 _All: how do you feel about season 6 and the possibility that the 2p nations will show?_

 _Dares_

 _Italies: do felicest and switch uniforms_

 _Canadas: switch personalities_

 _Prussia: kick someone in the groin. Your choice._

 _Englands: do your Angel transformation and intro_

 _All: sing a random hetalia ending song_

 _France: show the 4/1 pictures_

 _-topaz3_

Italy: Ve?

2p!Italy: -confused look-

Iggy: Felicest is the pairing of 1p and 2p!Italy. -reading off the wiki page-

Italy: But.. but I like Germany better!

2p!Italy: Me too!

Germanies: -sweat- -were not aware that the Italies liked them-

Iggy: ...Anyway, I ship Prussia with Canada, America and his hand! Austria, maybe, and Hungary in a flirty way, and...

Prussia: -getting more disturbed by the moment-

Iggy: And one-sided RusPru, which is Russia and Prussia-

Prussia: ALRIGHT. I'm gonna draw the line right there! I will NEVER touch him! He's terrifying, even to one as awesome as me!

Iggy: -holds up microphone- Very well. How do you feel about people pairing you with Italy?

Prussia: I mean, he's cute, but I wouldn't ever take away my awesome little brother's boyfriend! I can admire from afar!

Iggy: Now that's PruIta! Ooh! Chapter title idea!

South: Anyway, uh, what's the next question say?

Iggy: "2p!England and France, what is your relationship?"

2p!England: -hugs 2p!France- We love each other quite a lot, don't we?

2p!France: -awkwardly pats 2p!England's head- Sure, yeah, we do. -mouths- Help me.

Iggy: -presses button- Step to the side, please.

2p!France: -shuffles to the side-

2p!England: -springboarded into fanpit-

Sealand: I don't believe that America and jerk England are my parents! Nations aren't born, right? They just appear, right?

Iggy: That's actually a matter of debate and until we see a pregnant nation we have to assume that they can come a variety of ways. Anyway, since England is definitely a bottom kind of person-

England: OY!

Iggy: -you'd think he'd remember giving birth to Sealand.

Everyone: Huh.

Iggy: So, that reincarnation, France?

France: -wistful sigh- I thought it was a cruel trick of God, to put someone back on earth but not have them remember anything... But now, I'm just happy that she gets another life. I really do wish her well.

Iggy: -whispers- France is always going to be bitter to England for burning his girlfriend at the stake.

France: What?

Iggy: What?

South: -stares carefully at the paper- Who is the most badass? Pff, obviously me!

Iggy: -snort- Sure.

Prussia: Me! It's me!

2p!America: -snort- Obviously it's me! I break windows and steal cars!

America: That's not badass, that's just illegal.

Everyone else: -conclude that 2p!America is the most badass 2p and Prussia is most badass 1p-

Iggy: Alright then. How about season 6 of the anime, you guys?

England: I don't want to deal with- -girls shrieking- Oh dear.

Iggy: -looks into fanpit- Well, looks like 2p!England is fighting his way back to the stage and slaughtering many innocent fangirls along the way. -splattered with blood- Great. South, go get him before he kills everyone.

South: -grumbling- -goes into the crowd- Hey! Come here! They won't touch me! -gets 2p!England back to the stage-

Iggy: ... Powers revive. -dead fangirls rise once more- Okay. Anyway, I think the general consensus is that having 2ps in the anime would be terrifying.

Everyone: -nods-

South: I'll just go cover my ears for this one. -leaves to his corner where he turns his headphones all the way up-

Iggy: -shoves the Italies into the closet- Alright, Meanwhile, we'll do the next one!

Italy: -runs out of the closet, crying and wearing 2p!Italy's uniform- He BIT me! -hides behind Germany-

Germany: -pats Italy on the head-

2p!Italy: -walks over to 2p!Germany in a dignified manner- He started crying because I bit him.

2p!Germany: You probably shouldn't bite people. -winces-

2p!Italy: -holds up knife, then puts it back down- You're probably right. Thanks.

Iggy: Well then. Powers, switch!

Canada: -suddenly just got like five times more angry looking-

2p!Canada: -quietly goes to a corner-

Iggy: ...Well we'll wait and see if-

Canada: -walks over and slaps America-

America: OW! What was that for?

Canada: For being a dumbass.

2p!America: Aww, you're so cute when you're all shy! -to 2p!Canada-

2p!Canada: R-really? -blush-

2p!America: -flirt flirt flirt- Yeah, of course!

Iggy: Well, while 2p!America gets his own brother into bed, we're moving on!

Prussia: -runs up and kicks Austria in the crotch- HAHAHAHA!

Austria: -falls over in agony- Whyyyy?

Hungary: -brandishes frying pan- Run.

Prussia: -runs-

Iggy: England, you must do your magical transformation!

England: -makes a face- No.

Iggy: ...South now is a great time to have alcohol on you.

South: -holds out flask- Here.

Iggy: -hands flask to England- Drink this.

England: -coughing and choking- StRONG!

South: Yeah, it'll do that.

-several moments later-

England: -drunk-

Iggy: -starts stripper-ish music-

England: -sudden crazed grin- -lots of spinning and stripping- -angel- -flies away cackling madly-

Everyone: -stares-

Iggy: He'll be back. NOW SING, BITCHES.

-everyone pretty much sings something different and it sounds loud and chaotic-

Iggy: -uncovers ears- Wow. That reminds me of when I was in sixth grade band and we did this thing where when the school police officer or an admin came in to see us the teacher would go "ok, 1, 2, 3" and we'd all play a different song as loudly as possible and watch the officer or admin try to guess what we'd played to make us feel like we were good. It was great.

South: I used to hum along in my school choir because I couldn't read well like the other boys who'd been there their whole lives. -shrug-

Iggy: -pulls out trombone- I bet I can still play this thing! -produces ungodly honk- Or maybe not. -puts trombone away-

South: Uh, let's keep going. We got a lot to do this chapter.

Iggy: Ah yes, the April Fools pictures!

France: -holds up photo album- You mean these?

Everyone: ! -scrambles at France-

France: Ah! -throws book into the fanpit- There! Now the fangirls have them!

Iggy: I'll go diving for them later, if they aren't on the internet already! Let's move on to our next review!

 _Good luck Iggy and Vamp is back! hehe_

 _Truths:_

 _Germany, do you love Italy? Don't deny it. (episode where he says 'ich liebe dich' to italy hehe. it is proof XD )_

 _England, thank you for the scone. Now do you like big brother france? -giggles-_

 _Dares:_

 _France, sorry about your dare from me. This time i will be nice. You can kiss Germany and he can't do anything about it._

 _South, you have to hug America_

 _hmm, china... *thinks* oh! you have to read some of Germany's collection with Japan. :3_

 _that is all i got for now~_

 _-Vampchick2010_

Germany: -face goes red- Uh... I... -looks at Italy- He's... nice.

Italy: He does like me! He even went on his Myspace and talked about how cute his little Italian boyfriend is!

Germany: -face goes bright red- ITALY!

Iggy: I don't know what's funnier- the fact Germany is cute about how much he loves Italy or the fact he has a Myspace in 2015.

England: -falls through the window- Owww...

Iggy: -sigh- Powers, restore.

England: -brushes self off- I have no idea what just happened. You're welcome for the scone, I suppose and- wait! I do NOT like France! -blushing-

France: -arm around England's shoulders- Hmm, that isn't what you said last night~

England: SHuT UP! I WAS DRUNK!

France: Sure you were, _Angleterre_ , sure... _(-hetalia narrator voice- "Angleterre" means "England" in French! But you fan boys and girls already knew that!)_

Iggy: Well, England is being his normal self-

Fangirls: HE'S SUCH A TSUNDERE! SOOO CUTE AND UKE!

Iggy: To re-hash an old joke from 2012, you can't spell "uke" without U and K. Anyway uh, moving on. France, kiss Germany. Germany, don't do anything about it.

France: Hmm. -kisses Germany-

Germany: -face goes bright red- UH.

Iggy: -presses button-

France: -yeah you know what that button does. He's in the fanpit-

Everyone: -stares at Iggy-

Iggy: What? I like that button! Now, South, America, hug it out!

South: I ain't touching a Yankee.

America: I'm not touching a traitor!

Both of them: -loud argument-

Iggy: South, if you hug him then you can do whatever you want afterward.

South: -stops- -LOUD SIGH- -awkwardly hugs America-

America: -awkwardly hugs back-

South: -man-hug backpat. you ever hug a dude, or seen two dudes hug, and how they pat each other's backs? yeah.-

America: Can we stop now?

Iggy: Yup!

South: -jumps away- -pulls out shotgun- -shoots America into the fanpit- THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN, YANKEE BITCH!

Iggy: Wow. Aggressive!

China: As far as having Russia's kid, as long as there isn't a repeat of the crane fly-skeeter-eater-thing, I am fine.

Iggy: Sidenote, I looked it up, and calling a crane fly a mosquito eater is a lie because they aren't even predators. Literally their only purpose is to fertilize the earth as babies, and mostly around here they're the invasive European kind anyway-

Crane fly: -explodes into flight in Iggy's face as she picks up her laptop-

Iggy: aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! -drops laptop and falls backwards-

Laptop: -shatters-

Iggy: God dammit. Powers, fix.

Laptop: -fixed-

Iggy: And South, kill that crane fly for me. -gets up and dusts self off- -sigh- Crane flies and spiders, man, I'm terrified of them.

China: -takes book and Japan and goes into the closet to read-

Everyone else: -watches the live feed-

South: -fires pistol at crane fly, killing it-

China: Gross! -shows Japan- Look at it!

Japan: -face bright red- Er, I don't want to look...

-one awkward reading later-

Iggy: Great! Now, moving on!

 _Hi again and Good luck on your job interview_

 _Dares:South you must make out with England for at least 4 minutes_

 _England sing a lullaby to China and Russia's baby (the one you sang to America when he was little)_

 _Austria play I love Rock n Roll on the piano_

 _South Italy you must be nice for the rest of game_

 _Greece,Turkey and Japan react twilight_

 _Prussia make out with 2p Canada_

 _2p America eat a Wendy's Baconator_

 _Let me hug South he's cute in a rustic southern way_

 _Truth:Is Mexico a girl or boy_

 _Germany do you watch Three's Company_

 _2p South Italy do you say Fabulous_

 _France why did you have a sex dream about China_

 _China how do you feel about your child with Russia_

 _Well that's all and I look forwards for each chapter because your a great author_

 _P.S. Do you remember about the Five random slaps that Canada can use at any time to slap America_

 _.SP_

South: WHAT?! HELL NO, I AIN'T NEVER GONNA DO SOMETHING SO DISGUSTING AND- AND- SINFUL AND- -stomping around screaming about it-

England: Oh come on, I'm not that gross!

South: IT AIN'T YOU, IT'S THAT YOU'RE A BOY! I AIN'T GAY, AND I NEVER WILL BE.

Iggy: -grabs South by his suspenders- South, come on. Close your eyes and think of it being a girl! Or I'll... Bring your cousin on here and people can dare you two to be incestuous together.

2p!America: DON'T THREATEN HIM WITH THINGS HE'LL ENJOY!

Everyone else: -snORT-

South: -jerks out of Iggy's grip- Fine. I'll do it, and then I'll throw up afterwards and then I'll go to Hell. -grabs England on his way to the closet and drags him-

-four minutes later-

England: -exits- Well, I won't say he's a bad kisser.

Iggy: Where is he?

England: In the closet, reciting what I believe is a prayer for forgiveness.

Iggy: -standing outside closet door- You know, South, because you reacted that way people are gonna make you do stuff like that all the time now!

South: -continues praying-

Iggy: Whatever. Come out when you're ready!

China: Do you mean the baby that got turned into a crane fly with me?

Iggy: I gave her to the fangirls. Hang on a second. -jumps off the stage-

South: -exits closet, refusing to look at anyone-

America: The girl is gone. What do we do?

South: -deep shuddery breath- I got it. -LeapReader- -points at Austria- You! Piano guy! You gotta play "I love Rock 'N' Roll" on your piano thing.

Austria: -sighs- Fine. It isn't classical music, but it's good enough. -plays the song-

Iggy: -comes back on stage with a small baby in a blanket- Here, England. Sing to her.

England: "the one I sang to America?" I sang him a lot of songs when he was little. I don't know, America, which was your favorite?

America: The one from the field- the uh, one that's like, -depending on whether you are watching the dub or the sub of the anime, it's either a slower version of the devil summoning song or a song from Phantom of the Opera so uh-

England: Ah, yes. -sings while rocking baby-

Baby: -was already sleeping but ok-

America: Now that I'm old enough to understand the words to this song, it's kind of weird that he used to sing it to me...

Iggy: -takes baby- -kneels down at the edge of the stage- -hands baby to a fangirl- There we go.

Romano: -still in the smile wires- WHY? FIRST THIS, NOW I HAVE TO BE NICE TO PEOPLE WHEN I'M IN CONSTANT -bleep-ING PAIN?!

Iggy: I won't do the entire fic, because wow, but for the rest of the chapter you have to do it, and if you're not I'm making you keep those wires on for another entire chapter.

Romano: -whine- Fine. I'll be -bleep-ing nice.

Iggy: -locks Greece, Turkey and Japan in a movie room- Have fun!

-at the end of the movie-

Greece: -asleep-

Japan: -shaking head- I don't understand American movies.

Turkey: -smacks Greece in the back of the head to wake him up- I know! It sucked!

Greece: -slapped awake- I thought it was boring so I took a nap.

Canada: ... -slaps America for no apparent reason-

America: WHY?!

Canada: I remembered when we were ten and you broke my Jumping Jack toy.

America: -rubbing face- Owww...

England: You still remember that?

Canada: -huff- It was special because Papa got it for me for my birthday and America broke it!

America: I said I was sorry!

Canada: Sorry isn't enough sometimes! -stalks away-

Iggy: Don't worry, America! He only has... uh... -counting on fingers- Two more!

Prussia: -looks at 2p!Canada- He looks like he could murder me with his bare hands. Let's do this!

-one makeout session later-

2p!Canada: You taste like that gross German-American beer. What the -bleep-?

Prussia: It's hard to get German beer in this country, alright?

2p!Canada: Fair enough.

Iggy: Powers, Baconator! -hands it to 2p!America-

2p!America: -looks mildly ill- Uh... can I pass?

Iggy: Would you rather be thrown into the fanpit?

2p!America: I mean, I wouldn't have to eat it, so probably!

Iggy: You'll get violated by the fangirls and then I'll put you back on the stage and tie you down and have someone, probably 2p!England force feed it to you if you don't.

2p!America: -whimper- -shuts eyes- YOLO! -shoves entire thing into mouth- -immediately throws it back up- Uugh...

Iggy: Sheesh.

2p!America: My stomach can't handle meat anymore... -flops onto ground- I literally am like, allergic to it now... But throwing up is better... -dramatically flops over and extends arm- than being force-fed by Oliver. -looks at 2p!Canada and reaches out to him- Avenge me, brother! -pretends to die- Bleh.

Iggy: Drama queen. Anyway, moving on, -presses button-

South: -springboarded into fanpit and then hugged- I have fans?

Iggy: Apparently!

South: -wades out of the fanpit- Well, thank you for liking me, I guess.

America: -jumps up and down- I know this one! Mexico is a girl!

2p!America: -still laying on the ground- -snort- You _would_ know!

Iggy: Haven't you pretty much slept with everyone, 2p or not?

2p!America: ...Not _everyone_...

Iggy: -rolls eyes- Get up.

2p!America: -points at South- His 2p won't let me near him, not that I wanna go.

Germany: Um, I can't say I have seen that show before. Is it American?

Iggy: I dunno. I haven't seen it before either and I've lived in America with cheap cable most of my life! I'll see if it's on Netflix tomorrow!

2p!Romano: Of course I do! Why would I not use a word which I so obviously am!

Romano: -growls because he can't make a comment about that-

South: He looks homo. Is he one of them -bleep-s?

Iggy: South, why don't you practice not saying everything that comes to your head.

South: I was just asking!

2p!Romano: Oh, it's alright. I'm not offended by someone who can't read, and dresses like he stepped out of a 1930s farmer's almanac besides!

South: Hey! You wanna go, pretty boy?

Iggy: -once more grabs South by his suspenders- South, calm down.

France: I think I've had a sex dream about everyone at one point... You sort of do when you end up being a teenager for a hundred years like I was. -shrug- It's a natural thing that happens!

South: Am I the only nation ever who grew up normally?

America: You never really knew exactly how old you were, so you probably aged in jumps like the rest of us, but didn't notice.

South: ...It ain't my fault I was brought up by mortals, alright?

Iggy: -snort- You guys and your "mortals" and "humans." Why not just "nations" and "non-nations" or something?

England: Because a non-nation would be someone like South or Prussia who doesn't really have land anymore but exists regardless. We have it worked out.

Iggy: Huh. The more you know.

China: I'm still angry I had to have Russia's kid, and be turned into a bug. But I guess the baby is kind of cute. She's full-nation so I don't know what those girls expect to do with her since she could be a baby for their entire lives. -shrug- Maybe if I ever escape here I'll take her with. For now, I am here, she is there, and it is safer for her to be there than here.

Iggy: Aww, I'm not that good at writing... But thanks!

South: -rolls eyes- Let's move on. -hands Iggy laptop-

 _Alright, I have a few more truths,_

 _England, do you ignore Canada because he came from France?_

 _Switzerland, how did you react on the hetalia blooper with France saying: "Someone got the Farmer's daughter pregnant again~" when you were chasing Italy?_

 _-AphHetaliaLover_

England: I don't ignore him on purpose! He's just a very quiet sort! Although when he was younger, I will admit I did treat him differently for being French.

Iggy: -snorts-

England: What!?

Iggy: No, no, not you. I just remember one time during the revolution of 2010, one of the Sonic the Hedgehog-based users who was really really anal about these sorts of fics tried to show us all how to do it by writing his own in the "proper" style and he failed miserably and got literally no hits or reviews. It was great.

South: You've been around for someone who ain't even 18 yet.

Iggy: True. Anyway, sorry to distract!

Switzerland: Stupid Italian, probably did get someone's daughter pregnant.

South: I know if someone got my kid pregnant I'd chase him down and blow his brains out, or make him marry her.

Iggy: Very protective dad. Amazing.

South: What?

Iggy: I'm observing how many times you behave exactly like a Southern stereotype.

South: -rolls eyes- Whatever.

Truths:

 _2p Canada do you have feelings for your 1p?_

 _2p England, is it true your a cannibal?_

 _South, how did you feel when you lost the war?_

 _Dares:_

 _Germany has to kiss Italy for 30 sec. On the lips(Iggy can throw u back in the pit)_

 _2p Canada and 2p America fight_

 _England make out with both France and America_

 _-tokyoghoul234_

2p!Canada: Um, well, I guess he's pretty adorable.

Canada: -blush- I'm not that cute...

2p!America: HA, GAYYY!

2p!Canada: Al I swear I'm going to hit you so hard you won't be able to stand up straight for a week.

Iggy: Wait! You guys'll get your chance to have a brotherly punch-out!

2p!England: I don't know where everyone gets that idea!

2p!America: Maybe the fact you murdered and fed all the kids in the town to me and the other colonies when we were kids?

2p!England: -puts hand over 2p!America's mouth- Now, now, love, why don't you just stay quiet and let me answer this. I suppose I may have odd tastes, but it really isn't right to call me a cannibal. It implies I'm some sort of... savage beast! No, no, I am just a rather eccentric hunter.

2p!America: -rolls eyes-

Iggy: I'm gonna stay away from here. Now, South, what about losing the war?

South: Well, I was mad. I didn't know that I was a nation until after the war, but I was mad anyway. I was pretty much kidnapped to Alfred's big house in Pennsylvania and kept there until after Reconstruction.

America: I kept him because I didn't know if he'd survive his country's dissolution and didn't want him to go through that whole thing alone... He was like, two physical years younger than me when I found him, and he was hurt! How could I not take him home and watch over him?

South: I had a farm to go back to, y'know. Anyway, I was pissed. I still think we should'a won. -waves small Confederate flag- I love my poor lost nation.

Iggy: Be careful doing that around here. Seattle's pretty liberal and you might end up attacked.

South: I got a gun. Multiple, actually, but I ain't allowed to carry a shotgun everywhere I go here.

Iggy: My friend's boyfriend who is from Texas says you're pretty much allowed to carry a gun anywhere there.

South: -nods- It's the same in the farmland parts of states like South Carolina, where I'm from, and Alabama and all them.

Iggy: Well, I know where I'm never going. I've never seen a real life gun up close, even though my dad thinks he should take me to the shooting range. I don't wanna go. I should not be trusted with something that can kill someone with a push of a button. Anyway, dares! 2p!America and Canada, now you can fight!

-one beating of 2p!America later-

Iggy: Well, that didn't last long.

2p!America: -gurgle-

2p!Canada: Who do you think knocked out his tooth? We fight all the time.

2p!England: They really do. It's awful!

Iggy: Well, that's all I have for today! Remember, starting next chapter we have that one dare where we're all, yes, even me who is underage, drunk for two chapters! Send us things relating to that, alright?

South: But don't make me get gay. I hate that.

Iggy: You slept with your cousin but you won't kiss a man?

South: Shut the hell your mouth.

Iggy: Anyway, read and send a review!

 _ **Seriously why can't the frickin' stick-in-the-ass people leave me alone? Ugh. -stalks off ranting-**_


	5. Everyone gets Drunk at the End

_**Alright so now for a real chapter!**_

 _ **Also could anyone who wishes to complain in any way about this fic please PM me instead of reviewing? I'd like my actual reviewers to not have to deal with all of this drama. Thank you!**_

 _ **I didn't get the job, but whatever. Also I found out the drunk dare was from one of my friends, and so I have negotiated the right to have it at the end of the chapters because having never been drunk I cannot write drunk people too well yet.**_

 _ **I am literally the most vanilla teenager I know I swear to god anyway, onward!**_

Iggy: So, because the last chapter was so long, I'm going to get right to it today! -walks over to laptop muttering- Sheesh, 4,000 words in a chapter, who needs that?

 _Dude nice chapter. While at first i wasn't used to your style, I got the hang of it. South seem like a pretty chilled guy. Pluse I'm from the south as well. But anyway's:_

 _Truths:_

 _Germany what do you think of The Hetalia: The Beautiful world episode "I Was Overwhelmed by Heroines"_

 _Romano is it true you hate Germany because he's reminds you of Italy's first love the Holy Roman Empire?_

 _Dares_

 _Prussia you must kiss Hungary_

 _England you must bro hug Scotland_

 _-ArmCannos34_

Iggy: -points the firt sentence of this review- See, that is how you deal with an unfamiliar format in which the writing is still fine. You don't complain, you stick it out and get used to it if you really wanna read.

South: Oh, wow, another Southerner? Where you from? I grew up in a little town in South Carolina!

Iggy: South stop socializing with the reviewers.

Germany: ...I... Why was everyone girls again?

Iggy: I know this one! It was a weird dream that Estonia had!

Everyone: -stares at Estonia-

Estonia: I didn't dream it on purpose!

2p!America: Sounds hot...

Everyone: -turns to stare at him-

2p!America: I mean, come on! All the girls you could ever want, obsessed with you... -bleep- yeah!

Iggy: ...Anyway, moving on.

Romano: -loud huff- Why would I tell you!?

Iggy: Because you're scared for Italy.

Romano: Wha-

Iggy: You're reminded of Holy Rome whenever you look at Germany, since they do look a lot alike, and therefore you get scared that your little brother's heart will be broken again, and therefore you're trying to push Germany away from him before that can happen.

Romano: ...-bleep- you and your goddamn -bleep-ing...

Iggy: I hit it right on. So the answer, even if he won't say it, is yes!

Prussia: You're acting like this is a terrible thing! -kisses Hungary-

Hungary: -knees Prussia in the crotch so hard there is an audable crunch-

Male nations: -cringe, shield their own vital regions-

Prussia: ow... -falls over and frickin dies-

Iggy: Powers, revive!

Prussia: Why?

Hungary: You don't touch a lady without her consent, idiot.

Prussia: Ugh. Whatever.

Iggy: -pulls Scotland and England together- Hug it out!

England: No! He abandoned me when I was little!

Scotland: He was a pain to look after with his little imaginary friends!

South: -shotgun- If I had to hug the person I was created to fight with, then you two can hug it out as brothers.

Scotland: Fiiiine. -holds out arms- Well, come on, then!

England: -huff- -walks into the hug and stiffly lets it happen-

Scotland: -manly backpat-

England: -awkwardly returns backpat-

Iggy: Aww, brotherly love. Let's move on!

 _I'm back~ don't worry I'll make this as less torturous and embarrassing as possible_

 _Truths_

 _Germany and Italy: did you clear everything in the buon san valentino episode? Because I want to tell you Italy didn't know what the red roses mean._

 _2p Italy: some fics show that you are strong but mentally weak. Like you cursed god that made you unloved and all lonely. And I favored one that Italy was there to comfort you and wanted to be your friend. How you feel?_

 _Sealand: I meant Finland and Sweden_

 _2p axis: some fics say that 2p Italy is what I said previously, 2p Germany is quite and rarely talks, and 2p Japan is trigger happy, bad mouth slang word guy that has an alcohol problem. Tell me what's true?_

 _Canadas and Americas: Justin bieber?_

 _2p England: how and why did you create the swear jar?_

 _Norways: what does the fox say? Because I don't get it_

 _Americas: what are your thoughts about each others aliens?_

 _2p Japan: thoughts on yaoi?_

 _Italies: thoughts about your HRE?_

 _2p nations: how do you guys feel when people guess your personality?_

 _Everyone: Hetaoni?_

 _Everyone: the Hetalia creepypastas and snapped fics?_

 _Dares_

 _Austria: do the third part of moonlight sonata_

 _Prussia: you get to kick him in the groin again(Hungary has to be restrained)_

 _2p Hungary: restrain her while he's at it_

 _Scotland: challenge any nation into a drinking contest. Get wasted!_

 _Canadas: read a snapped! Canada fic out loud_

 _Italies: read the 23.5 episode. Don't read out loud._

 _Romanos: read Romano's revenge in your mind_

 _France: wear grey_

 _Everyone: watch Italy's movie. Creepypasta~_

 _Everyone: watch insideous. That's the only horror movie he didn't screw up at_

 _-topaz3_

Iggy: Alright, here we go!

Germany: -blush- I sort of figured he didn't... I think back on it now and realize I shouldn't have read into it so hard. Italy isn't that good at subtlety. He lets people know when he likes them.

2p!Italy: I am not weak in any way! I'm strong, and someday I'll be the best nation in the world again!

Italy: I think if he didn't bite people he'd be a great friend!

2p!Italy: -stops ranting- Wait, you really think I'd make a good friend?

Italy: Of course! Everyone can be a good friend if they want to!

2p!Italy: ...Why are all you 1ps so fluffy and cute? -ruffles Italy's hair- Hmph.

Italy: -is ruffled- Ve!

Iggy: Sealand, thoughts on your adoptive parents?

Sealand: They're great! They let me watch TV and play outside and they're teaching me how to be a really good nation!

South: -crosses arms- Must be nice to have someone to show you how to do all the nation stuff...

Iggy: Are you jealous because you weren't raised by nations?

South: Shut the hell your mouth.

2p!Italy: I keep telling you, I'm one of the strongest nations around! Nobody scares me off!

2p!Germany: I guess I'm sort of quiet...

2p!Japan: I was never taught to be gentle, therefore I will kill without mercy. Or some -bleep- like that.

America: BEIBER IS CANADA'S FAULT!

2p!America: He was cuter when he was little and still innocent, but now it's like, -gagging sounds-

Iggy: Thank you for that eloquent example, Al. What about you, Canadas? Canadai? Whatever.

Canada: -debates whether or not to use one of his remaining slaps on America- -decides against it- Youtube, where he got started, is based in America!

2p!Canada: Beiber sucks ass. Can we all agree?

Others: Yeah...

Iggy: 2p!Canada is turning into a diplomat. Weird.

2p!America: Anyway, -bleep- him.

2p!England: HEY! -swear jar held out to 2p!America- Honestly, in my house you sort of need something like this, to stop everyone who has such a potty mouth!

Iggy: Well.

Norway: -raises eyebrow- You haven't listened through the song hard enough, if you don't get it.

Iggy: Don't insult the reviewers!

America: I'm worried that my 2p's alien might kill everyone someday...

2p!America: Yours is a wuss.

2p!Japan: The thought of forcefully putting people into relationships like that disgusts me.

South: Same.

Iggy: Even if they're straight, South?

South: ...Well okay, maybe then...

Iggy: Is your stupid self-aware, or like, does it just happen?

South: ...What?

Iggy: Anyway! Thoughts on the Holy Roman Empire, Italies!

Italy: I miss him... He never did come back for me.

2p!Italy: That idiot beat me up every chance he got. I hated him. Glad to see him go.

Iggy: ...Well. So, 2ps, how does it feel when people assume your personalities?

2p!England: I don't like it, because everyone thinks I'm a psycho!

Other 2p!nations: Riiight, "thinks."

2p!America: I mean, I'd make out with the fans' versions of me. And the fans. -his eyes say "someone please love me i'm so lonely"-

2p!France: I could not care less... -lights cigarette-

Iggy: Uh, you can't do that in here. In Washington you have to go all the way to the end of the sidewalk away from a building to smoke. -shows 2p!France the balcony that is the proper distance- There. Also -coughs- last year I got mild whooping cough that like, was literally just a cough they couldn't treat, (or apparently diagnose properly uh happy Prenizone everyone) and it damaged my lungs so now I have asthma and it's triggered by my allergies and also smoke. Coughing until you can't breathe and also puke is fun, kids!

Nations: What's Hetaoni?

Iggy: -shows them-

Nations: -fear-

Iggy: -shows everyone the snapped!fics and creepypastas-

Nations: -FEAR-

Austria: -look at the sheet music- ...I think I can do this.

-several minutes later-

Austria: -broken, mangled fingers- Owww... I did it! -tears-

Iggy: Great! Now, moving on- -mass of reviews falls and buries her-

South: -looks at pile- Uh... well. I think it might take a couple chapters to catch up. I'll take care of things while she digs out.

Pile of reviews: -rustles as Iggy attempts to escape-

South: -points shotgun at Prussia- You, demon-boy! Go kick the piano one in the crotch again.

Hungary: -glare- Don't you dare.

Prussia: -sweats-

South: -points shotgun at 2p!Hungary- You! Hold her back so she can't go after him.

2p!Hungary: ...Um, alright... -grabs Hungary-

Prussia: -kicks Austria in the crotch- kesesese...

Austria: -falls over in pain- Whyyy...

Hungary: -squirms- Nnngh! Let me go so I can beat him up!

2p!Hungary: -nervously looks at South-

South: Uh... -pushes button-

Both Hungaries: -flung into fanpit-

Fanboys: NICE!

South: Whoops...

Scotland: Alright. -looks at South- End of the chapter, I challenge you to a drinking contest.

South: -snort- You wanna go? I've been drinking my home-brewed stuff since Prohibition, and it's a hell of a lot stronger than anything you can buy!

Scotland: I've been drinking for longer than you've been alive!

Iggy: -bursts from pile of reviews- FREEDOM! Anyway what's going on here.

South: -points at Scotland- He challenged me to a drinking contest!

Iggy: -pats them both- At the end of the chapter, boys. -hands Canada her phone with a fanfiction story pulled up on it-

Canada: Uh, well, here I go... -reading out loud-

Other nations: -FeAr-

Canada: Wow, I'd never do this sort of stuff...

Iggy: Well, everyone still writes about it! Quiet characters are always seen as ticking timebombs! -takes phone, navigates to the 23.5 episode and hands it to 2p!Italy- Here. You both read this in your heads.

Italies: -FEAR-

Italy: -crying-

2p!Italy: -trying not to cry-

Both: Scary...

Iggy: Yup! At Sakura Con 2013, which I went to with some friends, there was a 23.5!Italy who was in one of the panels! I only saw it on Youtube, though, since it was an after dark panel and I was only 15 at the time. I did attend the Ask Hetalia panel! If you look it up on Youtube, the Romano who stands up to yell at Rome? Yeah that's mine. (Come November of this year I'll be 18 so I can go to ALL the panels!)

South: Sheesh.

Iggy: Yup. Anyway, moving on. -hands phone to the Romanos-

Romanos: ...-moderately frightened-

Iggy: Well, I think we're nearly through traumitizing the nations! Here, France, before you guys go to the movie room, I have an outfit for you! -gray shirt and pants-

France: -puts it on, whining- Ugh, this looks like a prison uniform! I do not like it at all!

Iggy: Yeah, yeah, now into the movie room. All of you. -grabs South- South, you stay here.

South: I wanna see!

Iggy: -lets him go- Fine. Have fun.

Everyone: -FEAR FEAR FEAR- -come out of the movie room frightened-

Iggy: Well, now is a great time to get everyone drunk and do some of our drunk dares!

-several hours and bottles of alcohol later-

Iggy: -snort- -only sober one in the room because well I don't much care for the taste of alcohol. Except chocolate pudding shots. Those are great. My mom let me have a taste of it on the 4th of July- South come here!

South: -runs into wall in an effort to get to Iggy- Ow. -eventually gets there- Wha' d'you want?

Iggy: We have a set of dares to get through!

America: WHOOOOO! BRING IT ON!

Iggy: Alright, uh,

 _they have no life. Sorry you have to deal with it still_

 _now onto dares and truths related to being drunk._

 _Hey Germany, sing your favorite american song._

 _England, admit your feelings for France._

 _America: give up your burgers for the two chapters._

 _Russia, how hard is it to get you drunk?_

 _Italies and Romanos, What is your favorite wines?_

 _Japan and China drinking contest!_

 _-Vampchick2010_

Germany: I got this I GOt THIS! -launches into "Piano Man"-

Austria: -messily attempting to keep up on a piano-

Everyone else: -swaying to the beat- SING US A SONG YOU'RE THE PIANO MAN, SING US A SONG TONIGHT!

Iggy: Well. Uh, England come-

England: -falls off of barstool- Owsh... -refusing to let France help him up- I GODDIT FROGGy! -flop- Ugh.

France: Shh, shh, let me help. You're very drunk.

England: 'M NOT! -looks at the floor- Holy -bleep- I'm drunk...

France: -clumsily helps England up- There you are.

England: -leaning heavily on France- Thankshh... Y'know you'a no' tha' bad of a guy honestly... I think... I think I love you... -starting to tear up- Fransshh I love you...

France: -petting England's hair- Mmmhmm.

Iggy: Well. That takes care of that dare. Hey America, you got dared to give up burgers for the rest of this chapter, and the next two since I'm only doing the drunk dares at the end uh...

America: YEAH! I CAN DO IT! WHAT ELSE YOU GOT FOR ME?

Iggy: America is a very loud drunk. Uh, anyway, South, I'm 17, you're married and this hoodie reveals nothing. -shoves him away- STOP STARING.

Russia: It is very very difficult, because I drink vodka all of the time.

South: DAMN COMMIE! COME'ERE AND FIGHT ME!

Iggy: -holds South back- No, no, South we need you in one peice for tomorrow!

Italy: Ahh... I like the bubbly kinds! Like Prosecco! THat's what I have right now! -holds up wine glass- -spills wine- Vehh? -starts crying- GERMANYYY!

Romano: -bleep-ing -bleep-... I like... Uh... I dunno... -giggles-

Spain: He likes Spanish wines!

Romano: -puts entire hand over Spain's face- No no no, shut up. I like Marsala best- it's from Sicily! Spanish wines... eeh why the -bleep- not?

Iggy: Nice. I tried some wine once. I don't like it. It's a thing in my mom's Italian family to let kids try wine on holidays if they want to.

South: -ringing cowbell very loudly- DRINKIN' CONTEST! WE GON' SEE WHICH'A THESE HERE CHING-CHONG NATIONS CAN DRINK BEST!

Iggy: SOUTH. -pulls him down from the table- Can't you be unoffensive for ONE chapter?

South: ...hmmm... I do not think I can do that, Miss.

Iggy: Well, anyway, DRINKING CONTEST!

-many drinks later-

Japan: -passed out on the ground-

China: AND THAT IS WHAT 4000 YEARS GETS YOU. -falls over-

Iggy: ...Well that's all the drunk dares I have for this chapter, so uh, send in more for the end of the next chapter!


	6. South's Man Crush Is Revealed

Iggy: -megaphone- HEY EVERYONE AND WELCOME BACK!

Nations: -groan, cover heads/ears-

Iggy: SO, I'M JUST GONNA SHOUT OUR FIRST REVIEW!

 _People, quit being such a butt to Iggy! It's annoying to get comments about saying "You broke the rules" and stuff like that. Like she said, don't like don't read. (Also, I have some truths and dares and all that fun stuff..._

 _Japan, what was the first anime you've ever watched?_

 _South, are you SURE you don't secretly have a crush on America? What about his 2p?_

 _Prussia, what do you think of Canada? Dares:_

 _Canada, kiss your 2p for at least 2 minutes, then say you liked it! If you dont say it, Iggy can punish you in any way she wants._

 _England, go in the naughty closet with France!_

 _Germany, play the Pocky game with Italy! (Japan can teach you what it isHugs Japan* Thanks!_

 _-Senpai-Cat, or Eeveelover0417_

Iggy: Apparently your review didn't send me an email. So here we go now!

Japan: Uh... the first one ever made was what I watched... so I suppose, um, The first one. The name escapes me at the moment.

Iggy: Wow.

South: I am 100% sure I do not like the Yankee or the other Yankee. I do not like men and I do not appre-see-ate these alligations.

Prussia: -looks at Canada- He's pretty cute, but there's like a code that says "don't hit on your best friend's kid."

Canada: Uh... oh wow. -blushes-

2p!Canada: Uh.

-one kiss later-

Canada: Um... he is a good kisser... -blush-

Iggy: -pushes button anyway-

Both Canadas: -flung into fanpit-

England: What-

France: -drags England in- It'll be fun!

-a few moments later-

England: -comes out of the closet to see everyone staring at him- Uh, can I help you?

Iggy: -giggles- You're really noisy!

South: May God save you...

Iggy: Anyway uh, -hands Germany and Italy pocky- I played the pocky game in my England cosplay at Sakura Con! (only convention in Seattle uh) You can find the footage on my cosplay group's Youtube- "AmericanWorldCosplay" and some pictures on our Tumblr- americanworldcosplayoffical! Also while I'm at it, I have an ask/RP blog for South. ask-south-usa on Tumblr!

South: Wow.

Germany: -blushing- Uh, Japan has explained this before, since Hungary has brought it up before. -does the thing-

Italy: -blushing-

Germany: -bright red-

Iggy: Let's move on before they explode!

 _I'm sorry you didn't get the job also could you please my dares because I requested them but you didn't get to them but's it's okay_

 _Here they are_

 _Dares_

 _everyone eat England's scones_

 _England turn into a girl_

 _South fall madly in love England (as a girl)_

 _Canada eat Aunt Jemima_

 _Truths_

 _2p America are vegetarian or vegan_

 _France do you eat escargots_

 _Japan who do love Greece or Turkey_

 _Canada how do feel about Jim Carey and Cher as they are both Canadians_

 _-_ _.SP_

Iggy: I do make an effort to do every dare I get, but if I don't manage to update often enough that gets hard, so sometimes your dares might end up done a chapter or two after you submit them! This happens a lot when you write a great story! Of course, everyone can feel free to PM me if you're worried that I didn't notice your review, and I will assure you that I did, or be like, "whoops wow thanks for telling me!"

England: I made enough for everyone! -holds out tray of scones-

Everyone: -takes one under threat of the fanpit-

-reactions range from 'blech' to full-on vomiting-

Iggy: Well. -evil grin-

England: No.

Iggy: POWERS, GIRL!

England: -girl- AHH!

South: ...I guess you're kinda cute like this... -blush-

England: ...no.

Canada: But that's fake syrup!

America: It tastes fine to me!

Canada: -slaps America- Anyway, -drinks directly from the bottle-

2p!Canada: You are a brave man.

Canada: -gags- Disgusting.

Iggy: ...I don't really care if my syrup is fake or not.

Canadas: Ugh, Americans.

Iggy: Moving on!

2p!America: I'm vegan, duh! Mostly because of... people. -glances at 2p!England-

2p!England: It's such a shame that he won't eat anything I cook.

2p!America: -shudders- Did you know you can put a human body in a cake? Because I did. I know how to do it too. You learn a lot of fun things in homeschool.

South: Why were you homeschooled?

2p!America: -sarcasm- Hmm, I wonder why I, a person of very clearly mixed decent couldn't go to a normal school in the 1700s. Wow, it's a mystery, South.

South: Didn't you live in the North?

2p!America: YOU ARE LITERALLY THE PERSONIFICATION OF RACISM ITSELF. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW!?

South: ...Wasn't it better in the North?

2p!America: Why am I arguing with someone who can barely write his own name?

South: HEY! I resent that! At least I went to school!

Iggy: Okay, so, uh, anyway moving on... -sweats- (I headcanon Al to be the kid of Oliver and one of his African colonies, taken away to the American colonies as a small child. That accounts for his darker skin. I guess it's sort of to give my half-black mom a character to relate to who faced racism and hate just like her.)

France: Of course I eat escargot! It's very good!

England: Blech.

France: -glare- You tried to eat half-moldy bread once.

England: It was mostly good! I wasn't going to eat the mouldy part!

Iggy: Gross.

England: Hmmph.

Iggy: Uh, anyway, moving on, Japan, who do you like more?

Japan: -sweats-

Greece and Turkey: -glare at each other-

Japan: I'm going to refrain from answering so I don't cause a huge fight.

Iggy: Fair enough.

Canada: Well, I uh...

Iggy: Speak up!

Canada: -flustered- -a bit louder- I try not to judge my people, but I suppose those two are alright. After all, it's true both of them became popular in America, eh?

Iggy: True! Anyway, let's move on to some more dares!

America: -starts to take out burger-

Iggy: -slaps it away- No burgers until the end of the next chapter!

America: -over-dramaticly collapses to the ground- WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Iggy: Because reviewers demand it! Now, the next review...

 _OI PEOPLE INSULTING IGGY STOP ITS HELLA RUDE AND ANNOYING. I love when Canada sticks up for himself!_

 _So:_

 _Truths:_

 _Prussia do you have feelings for Canada (PruCan 4 EVAH!)_

 _ENGLAND AND AMERICA KISS!_

 _Dares:_

 _OI PRUSSIA REIGN IN YOUR EGO AND KISS CANADA!_

 _CANADA YOU ARE AWESOME SO I DARE YOU TO GO OVER YOUR SLAP LIMIT (can I give him 69 more slaps)_

 _and thank you very much_

 _STOP BOTHERING IGGY_

 _-fairytailasaurus_

Iggy: Thanks for sticking up for me! I keep telling these people that they can report all they want if it makes them feel better, but I don't need to hear about it. And yet they kept telling me. Every. Single. Time. Honestly I don't care if I'm in the wrong at this point; I consider it harassment.

South: Anyway, let's get going...

Iggy: So, Prussia, do you love Canada?

Prussia: -sweats- He's cute and all, but uh, there's the "don't hit on your best friend's kid" code I mentioned before.

France: -gently pats Canada's head- You wouldn't want him, anyway. He's very quiet and reserved, unlike you.

Canada: -blush- Papa, stop!

Iggy: While that's occuring, England and America need to kiss!

England: Gross!

America: Incest is South's thing!

South: HEY!

Iggy: Do it! Do it! Do it! -UsUk fangirls pick up the chant-

America: -whiiiiinee-

England: -huff- Fine, if you aren't going to leave us alone. -kisses America-

America: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! -runs off-

England: Oh come on! I'M NOT THAT BAD!

Iggy: While that chaos is going on, Prussia, kiss Canada.

Canada: -shy- Uh...

Prussia: -grabs and kisses deeply-

2p!America: -snaps picture on phone- Nice!

Prussia: -pulls away- Uh...

Canada: -blushing- Wow...

Iggy: And for that, it appears you have been rewarded with more slaps of America!

America: -still screaming about having had to kiss England-

Canada: -slaps America- Calm down! I had to kiss Prussia of all people! You have no right to freak out! -blush- Uh... I mean... -blushes harder- I didn't mean to snap, I'm sorry.

America: -sigh- I guess you're right...

Iggy: Aww! Brotherly comfort! -AmeCan fangirls insist there must be more to it- Uh, let's move on.

South: It don't look too safe down there... -several girls eyeing him with the same hunger they look at canon characters-

Iggy: You're gaining fans, is all! Hey, everyone tell me if you'd be in the South fangirl/boy crowd!

 _Jacksonville, North Carolina 4 Life. Lives in Blanchard Pennsylvania. It's complicated. But any ways,_

 _Truths:_

 _Russia what do you think of Russia X Fem America?_

 _Germany, Did You hear about germancest?_

 _Turkey watch out Grandpa Rome is always watching,_

 _Dares:_

 _England You must turn into a South a girl._

 _Romano kiss Spain_

 _Well thats all ;3_

 _-ArmCannos34_

South: Hey, I've been both those places! We went all over the South when I was in the Confederate Army during the Civil War, and uh... Alfred has a house in Pennsylvania that I got brought back to after the war that ain't too far off from-

Iggy: -slides in front of South before he can further socialize- Now, we need to get these short ones- -several half sheets of paper- done, then we go out drinking again!

Other nations: -cheer-

Iggy: Now, Russia, what about you and this- -picture of Fem!America- together?

Russia: I think that America makes a very pretty girl. -smiles over at America- But the male one is just as good, Da?

America and South: Gross, commie. -stare at each other in shock because they agreed on something for once-

Iggy: Anyway, uh, Germany, tell us if you know what Germancest is.

Germany: Whatever it is I will assume it isn't pleasent.

Iggy: It's when people put you and your brother together romantically!

Germany: -while Prussia freaks out in the background over the news- I knew it.

Turkey: ...-glances around- Yeah right! -smacks Italy in the back of the head-

Italy: OW! -tearing up-

Rome: -busts in through the wall- WHO HURT MY GRANDSON!?

Everyone: -glances at Turkey-

Turkey: -sweats-

-one beating up of Turkey later-

Rome: -comforting Italy- You're alright, look, see, Grandpa got him for you!

Italy: -stops crying- -sniffle- Ve...

Rome: -walks back across the stage- -ruffles Romano's hair- And just so you know, I love you too, Romano! -runs out a different wall-

Iggy: ...Well now we're going to have Rome-shaped holes all over the place.

England: ...-squints at dare- I think I'm supposed to turn South into a girl?

Iggy: I'll do it once you mess up.

England: -still a girl by the way- -glare- -magicky stuff-

South: -poof- -nothing- Uh...

Iggy: -rolls eyes- You tried. Powers, girl!

South: -poof, girl- AHH! (I actually have a design for Fem!South. I sort of maintain her as South's cousin, Mary-Jane (the one he kissed), but uh, her appearance is long hair and no glasses. She'd probably tie her shirt up in that "country-girl" style now since she's a bit shorter than her male counterpart and therefore the shirt is too big.)

Iggy: ...Well.

South: -attempting to cover self as clothes are too big- -whiiiiiiiiiinnne-

2p!America: -takes picture of the exposed Fem!South on cell phone- Nice!

South: -slaps 2p!America- You put that down right this instant you nasty pervert!

Iggy: Well, this will go on until right before we move on to our- -puff, suddenly her bangs turn bright blue- Oh.

Everyone: -stops and stares-

Iggy: While writing this chapter I got streaks put in my hair in real life! Anyway, right before we move on to our drunk dares, we will revert everyone back to their normal gender!

Romano: -looks at Spain- ... -looks at fangirls eyeing him hungrily- ...

Spain: -kissy face-

Romano: -bleep- it! -walks over and kisses Spain briefly on the lips- Happy?

Spamano fangirls: -screaming-

Itacest fangirls: -screaming for a different reason-

UsUk and FrUk fangirls: -warring-

Iggy: Well. My internet is out at the moment, and I probably should be reading my summer reading book for my AP English class, but 1. the fangirl war is interesting, so let's watch it, and 2. I don't super want to read Pride and Prejudice.

2p!America: I know the book. It's pretty good.

Iggy: I keep hearing that but having read the first two pages and the plot blurb on the back of my copy I don't find it to be true. -shrugs- I mean the title sounds a lot like a summary of South's life, let's be honest.

South: -offended- Well!

Iggy: Are you trying to sound like a Southern Belle or does your fem-form just make you do it naturally?

South: I'm trying to sound like a lady!

Iggy: ... -doing the math in her head: Redneck Man + Turned Into Girl = Classy Southern Belle?- Okay.

South: Hmph.

Iggy: So, while my internet is down, anyone wanna relive parts of me and my friends' Minecraft server world, where we RP as post apocalyptic nations- I RP as South, my friend snackpack is 2p!America and our other friend Aly is her own OC for 2p!South.

Everyone: -groan-

Iggy: -hand hovering over button- What was that?

Everyone: -half-heartedly- yay!

Iggy: Alright! Here's the first one:

2p!America: jesus christ a brick wall listens better than you.

South: like proteins are meat right

2p!America: maybe instead of you we could have brought like

2p!America: a cinderblock with googly eyes on it

South: why are you so mean to me?

2p!America: it doesn't get drunk and make racist remarks

Everyone: -bored-

Iggy: -ignoring the boredom- Now, let's move on to another one!

South: look obamacare is how we got into this mess

2p!America: no america splitting into factions and nuclear warfare

2p!America: is what got us into this

South: because of obamacare

Iggy: good job South.

South: -dead of boredom-

Everyone else: -dying-

Iggy: ...Hey my internet is back! Powers revive!

Everyone: -alive-

South: -back to male self because why the hell not-

Iggy: Also updates are slow because I started school a week ago, and I lost my phone in the football field, and my Hetalia coffee cup was stolen I'm pretty sure... Ugh. -flops over-

South: ...Anyway, I'll see what we got left. -LeapReader- Alright, uh, topaz. That's long. Guess we'll do it next chapter since I don't think Iggy wants this to be too much longer here...

 _I torment ALL characters in Hell!_

 _Who little human moron!_

 _-Meep_

Iggy: 'Who little human moron.' Okay. -pulls lever-

All nations: -fall into Hell and scream-

2p!England: This is fine.

Iggy: Alright, I'll leave them to cook down there for a while, and I'll figure out the next review!

 _Yay! Time for some dares!_

 _Make France and England kiss._

 _Make Japan and China kiss while Russia watches._

 _America gets to beat up South like it's Mortal Kombat._

 _All the nation's have to Dance to Bad Apple by Nomico_

 _Lock the Nayions in a small room for one hour. Record it and send me a copy._

 _Japan has to dress as a kitty (Think Super Bell powerup) and be locked in the closet with Greece for seven minutes. Put cameras in there._

 _Have Hungary say which Hetalia shipping is her favorite. Post it on YouTube and prepare your butts._

 _Also, a question. Can reviewers guest star for a chapter or two?_

 _-Fefeu_

Iggy: -raises everyone from Hell- Alright, we got work to do guys!

South: Gross, more gay stuff. I'm gonna go watch TV. -turns on TV-

Iggy: ...Anyway, -grabs France and England- NOW KISS.

England: -still a girl- I will NOT touch that disgusting frog-

France: -kisses- -is punched- OW! Why did you hit me!?

England: You kissed me without my permission!

France: You HIT me!

France and England: -squabbling-

Iggy: -walks over to South- so, what're you watching?

South: The Dukes of Hazzard. It's my favorite show. Why?

Iggy: -sits down and watches as France and England slowly cause more and more chaos in the background- Nice.

-one repair job of the stage later-

Iggy: Hooray! More kisses which could possibly be incest!

Japan and China: -kissing-

Russia: -staaaaaaarrree-

Japan and China: -sweat-

Iggy: -sweat- Uh, well. He didn't like, get violent but uh-

South: Creepy-ass commie bastard...

Iggy: South, shh.

South: -is shh'd-

Iggy: Alright! -stage transforms into like some sort of lava-platform arena thing- Time for a battle!

Nations: -cheering from the stands-

Iggy: I call this one "Civil War 2!" -teleports South and America down- FIGHT! -teleports self up to the stands-

South: -knocked onto the ground- Uughh..

2p!America: FINISH HIM!

America: -grabs hammer with the word "Justice" written on it and slams it onto South-

Crowd: -goes wild-

South: -is splatted everywhere with hammer-

Iggy: WHOOOO! -revives South and teleports everyone back to the stage- MAN THAT WAS AWESOME!

South: No it wasn't. -angry that he lost-

Iggy: Aww, come on! You fought great! It's not your fault that 1. the reviewer wanted America to win, and 2. he's a lot stronger than you!

South: -looks at Iggy- You really think so?

Iggy: Yeah! I mean, part of that's my fault for making you like, not big and muscly like America, but that's okay! Anyway, you initiate the next dare!

South: -grin- Alright. All y'all gotta get up and dance or uh... -thinks about it for a moment- I'll... get something bad to happen. Yeah. Do it.

Nations: -nervously attempting to dance-

Iggy: Do it right, or we make the floors shock you!

Nations: -nervous dancing intensifies-

Iggy: Ugh. -shocky floors-

Nations: -all shocked- -attempt to dance again-

-about an hour later-

Nations: -dancing halfway decently-

Iggy: You did it! Now, -teleports all the nations into a small room- have fun!

Nations: -devolve into fighting very fast-

Iggy: Well, I don't know what I expected- Ooh! Wow America, be careful with your 2p!

South: -still in the corner watching his show-

Iggy: -after a while, lets everyone out- You guys are violent.

America: Yeah, but did you see how far Al flew?! -grinning-

Iggy: Yeah! Anyway, let's move on! -puts Japan in the kitty outfit-

Japan: Why.

South: Get in the closet of sin with the sleeping one. -shoving Japan- go on, y'-bleep-!

Iggy: South, watch your mouth.

South: -glare-

Iggy: Anyway, I have a live feed on my laptop- -knocked over by Hungary rushing to watch-

-seven minutes later-

Japan: -crawls out of closet- Why...

Greece: -walks out of the closet and then yawns- I like kitties a lot.

Japan: -shudders- Clearly.

Iggy: Let's keep moving! Hungary, tell us? -video camera since her phone was eaten by a football field-

Hungary: ...Well, uh... Prussia and Austria are pretty cute together! I guess they're my favorite!

Austria: Hungary! After we've been married?!

Prussia: I dunno, I'd do it.

PruAus fangirls: -glare at PruCan and Germancest fangirls-

PruCan and Germancest fangirls: -glare-

-another war is started-

Iggy: Well. And uh, I don't really want reviewers, or for that matter OCs (besides South, of course) on here, because it sort of clogs up fanfictions. I'm sorry, dude... -shrugs- I'm gonna have to say no.

South: -shouting at computer- YOU TWO JUST CHASED A CAR WITH NO DRIVER AND YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM IS WHETHER OR NOT CARS CAN DIE!?

Iggy: -stare-

South: No, no, no, you see, the main guys were dead, except not really, and their car was being like, driven by them but the bad guys didn't know that, and uh-

Iggy: Whatever. Anyway, we have the drunk reviews for this chapter! Does anyone have alcohol?

South: -hand shoots up- ME! ME! I got a lot!

Iggy: Alright! -changes everyone's genders back to normal- Have fun you guys!

-a few hours later-

Iggy: Al. I'm wearing a hoodie. There's nothing to see.

2p!America: I beg to differ~!

Iggy: Gross. Anyway, our first drunk dare for this chapter!

 _My evil drunk dares:_

 _PRUSSIA KIS CANADA!_

 _AMERICA KISS ENGLAND_

 _GERMANY KISS ITALY_

 _MATT AND USA MUST PRETEND TO BE EACH OTHER WHILE BEING DRUNK_

 _AND_

 _ENGLAND AND FRANCE SHOULD GET MARRIED!_

 _They are going to thank me for this. Ha ha_

 _\- fairytailasaurus_

Iggy: Alright, so, Prussia, come here and stand there. -dragging Prussia-

South: -talking to 2p!America- I jus'... I love Bo Duke sooo much. If he was real, I'd prob'ly be gay!

2p!America: -recording this on his phone- Uh-huh?

Iggy: -stares at South strangely as she drags Canada by- Alright, Prussia. Kiss him!

Prussia: With pleasure! Kesesesese! -kisses Canada-

Canada: ! -is kissed-

Iggy: Whoo! Now, America, come here!

America: -salutes but hits himself in the face- Ow! America here for dur- -hic- duty, sir!

Iggy: Now, England, come- -England slumps himself over onto her- Oof! Okay. Now, kiss America!

England and America: -kiss, devolve into making out-

Iggy: Well. They're gonna regret that in the morning. So is Jason for admitting his man crush to Al.

Germany and Italy: -already in the closet doing a lot more than kissing-

Iggy: -walks in- OH. UH. -leaves- Well. There we go. -grabs the North American twins- You two! Try and imitate each other!

Canada: I... am a hero! -drunken hero pose- BURGERS. -falls over laughing-

America: -giggling- -hic- -giggling- -very quietly- aboot.-hic- -laughing really hard-

Iggy: ...That went well. Well, now I have to find France and England. -finds them- Come on! Go get married! That's legal here now! Go! -shoos them off- There we go. Let's move on.

South: -drunken stripping-

Iggy: ... -takes a picture- Nice. Well. That's all we're doing this chapter! I'm going to bed! I'll do the remaining two reviews in the next chapter! Yeah! -flops over onto couch-

 _ **A/N: And now you guys know which 80s-era TV show is currently my weakness. I'm in both AP European History and English. I'm sorry if I don't update as often. Also totally follow me at ask-south-usa on Tumblr, and maybe check out actual_iggy on archive of our own? I dunno. You guys all do whatever. Except send me like ten reviews. I mean, you can, but it'll take forever to get through. :/**_


	7. Al has Crabs

**_Holy crap I'm getting around to this fast. Uh, or not. I dunno when this'll be up. Whatever. I'm glad you guys like South because I sort of thought he'd offend more people. I dunno. If you read "A Civil War Tale" it's all about South so uh, there you go._**

Iggy: Once again, we have a bunch of hungover nations!

England: -under blanket- Where did South go?

2p!America: He's probably hiding somewhere because I showed him the video I have of him declaring how much he's gay for a fictional character and then stripping.

Iggy: Well then. He'll come out eventually. Let's get a move on to our first review of the day!

 _I'm baaaAAAAAck~! Don't worry this will be worth it to some of you~! I'm mad with power! Canada, I can see you! And I care about you Russia! So you two are safe, maybe. Crazy psycho fangirl mode GO!_

 _Truths_

 _Italies: how did you feel about the Germany is HRE theory?_

 _2p Romano: why you fancy?_

 _2p Prussia: are you as quiet and nervous as people say you are?_

 _Hungary and Austria: would you want 2p Prussia instead of the original?_

 _2p them: same question_

 _2p axis: how did you guys from? Be specific and I really want to hear what 2p Italy said when the crate was pulled._

 _2p Germany: did he give you that scar?_

 _Dares*dramatic music*_

 _Prussias: switch personalities_

 _Hungary:dress him in any uniform you want while their switched_

 _Americas: switch bodies_

 _2p Italy: listen to 'don't mess with me' by temposhark. Does it fit you perfectly?_

 _All: watch Japan's food commercials_

 _Italies: dance bad apple(iggy show them the mmd versions). Italy can copy dancing and his 2p can progress anything._

 _Italy: watch Hetalia crown- painted flowers. So many feels_

 _Iggy: pick any 1p or 2p nation to dance carnival and put in any cosplay_

 _All including 2p nations: watch hetaoni douga and romaheta douga. Tell me what you think_

 _-topaz3_

Italy: I don't know... Isn't Holy Rome dead though?

2p!Italy: Hell no. Holy Rome was a little -bleep- who beat me up all the time. This guy -indicates 2p!Germany- is just stupid and doesn't wanna hurt anyone. So I don't think it's possible.

Italy: I mean I guess they sort of look alike... Right?

Iggy: I SUPPORT THE GERMANY IS HRE THEORY.

2p!Romano: -strikes a pose- Because I just am!

2p!Prussia: -notices the spotlight is on him- -sweats-

2p!England: He's awfully sweet, but... He's incapable of speaking in public. He only talks when he's just around us that he knows. -other 2p!nations agree with him- He's also very polite and reserved. So kind and gentle!

Iggy: Aww! It's alright, buddy! I shut up when I'm nervous too!

Hungary: I suppose I like him a little better... but I would miss the shouting and laughing.

Austria: He would leave me alone and that is good.

Prussia: -lifts Austria up bridal style- Awww, you know you love me!

Austria: Unhand me!

Iggy: Alright, 2ps! Would you guys rather have that than your quiet Prussia?

2p!Hungary: I think he's really sweet! :3 I wouldn't trade our Prussia for the world!

Iggy: Did you just use an emote in your speech?

2p!Austria: She does that a lot. It's annoying.

2p!Hungary: :3c

2p!Austria: -glares at her- Anyway, I think having someone who actually did stuff would be great.

2p!Prussia: ... -sadface-

Iggy: Aww, I still like you! I like both of you!

2p!Germany: Well, uh, basically I was walking in the woods and I thought I'd found more supplies but then Italy popped out and just went, "Hey, you! You look strong. We're allied now." and then Japan just sort of appeared. -shrug- Not that exciting.

2p!Italy: -having a knife game contest with 2p!England-

2p!Germany: -sweats- He has a short temper. I learned the hard way that sneaking up on him is really a terrible idea.

Iggy: -reading history papers-

2p!America: -looking over her head at the papers- The Renaissance?

Iggy: I have school tomorrow and history in first period. Leave me alone!

2p!America: Since the Confederate is nowhere to be seen, we sort of need your powers for the dares. Make some people suffer! Come on!

Iggy: I'm going to hit you.

2p!America: -bleep- yeah! That's the spirit! -whacked in the face- Geez, you hit good for someone so tiny...

Iggy: I'm 5'2 you douche. Anyway, -puts away papers- powers, switch!

Prussia: -suddenly very quiet-

2p!Prussia: -slides over to 2p!Hungary- Heeey, you're pretty cute for someone as cool as me!

2p!Hungary: Wow, you're talking! :D

2p!Austria: STOP THAT.

2p!Hungary: Never! :)

Hungary: Prussia are you alright?

Prussia: -silence-

Austria: This is good.

Hungary: Hmm... I know how to get him to talk! -drags Prussia away- I'm going to put you in some of our female officer uniforms!

Prussia: -quiet look of distress but goes along with it-

Iggy: Alright! Powers, switch!

America: -eyes turn red- Whoaaa I think I just grew like half a foot!

2p!America: -eyes turn blue- What just happened? -sees America- Whoa, there's two of me?! Cool!

America: No, there's two of me! And one is tall!

2p!America: Wait... Oh god, we're in the wrong bodies! I saw a movie like this once!

America: -looks down pants- Nice.

2p!America: STOP THAT!

America: Sheesh, Porkchop! You really got something going down here!

2p!America: AL!

Iggy: While that occurs, we're going to move on! -hands mp3 player to 2p!Italy since my goddamn phone was eaten by the goddamn football field at goddamn school-

2p!Italy: -dark grin- Yes, this is my new theme song. -looks at 2p!Germany- I want it to play every time I enter the room.

2p!Germany: On what?

2p!Italy: That's for you to figure out!

Iggy: Anyway, time to go into the movie room! Come on, everyone! Al, stop staring at your new -bleep- for five seconds. -shooing-

-several weird commercials later-

Everyone: -staring at Japan-

Japan: -sweats- I am not in charge of my country's TV programming.

Iggy: Moving on! So, you know that dance I taught everyone yesterday?

Italy: That was fun! Except for the shocky floors. That hurt!

Iggy: Well, Italy, -arm around Italy's shoulder- You and your 2p get to do that dance again! Only you do the partner version. -shows them- Go on! You can do it!

-one dance later-

Iggy: Nice! Now Italy, watch this!

Italy: -watching- Holy Rome... -crying-

Iggy: heheeh! Suffering! Now, where the heckie is South? -wanders off and comes back after a while- I can't find him. Whatever. Anyway, Oliver, come here!

2p!England: Yes?

Iggy: -shows him the dance- Do it, or shocky floor.

-a long process and a dance later-

2p!England: I'm done, right?

Iggy: Yup! I didn't feel like trying to dress you up so we're good! Now, everyone into the movie room again!

Everyone: -grumbling, does it-

Iggy: Watch!

Everyone: -does- -gets nervous about the dedication of some fans-

Iggy: Haha! Now, while we're having fun, let's do the other one we didn't get to last chapter!

 _WooHoo! Drunk nations. haha, love this fic._

 _Dares:_

 _Germany, let someone write a word on your forehead in permanent marker. (this could be really funny to see what happens if one of the drunk nations do this)_

 _Italy, do the macarena whenever your brother swears._

 _France, say the words "in bed" after everything you say for the rest of the chapter_

 _Truths:_

 _America, what would be the perfect date with someone you like?_

 _England, what is the most embarrassing thing you ever done?_

 _Prussia, say one story from when Germany was little that may embarrass him._

 _Austria, who do you love more, Prussia or Hungary?_

 _Scotland, no being mean to England. Why didn't you raise him like a good big brother?_

 _hmm, that is all for now. keep up the awesome fanfic :)_

 _-Vampchick2010_

Germany: But- -tackled and held down by 2p!Prussia-

2p!Prussia: -giggling- -draws a -bleep- on his forehead- Hahaha!

Germany: -loudly sighs-

Romano: What the -bleep- kind of dare is that?

Italy: -does the macarena- Why!?

Iggy: I love being able to force you guys to do stuff!

France: -loud sigh- This sucks. In bed.

Iggy: -snort laughter-

2p!America: Well, uh, I'd like to be in my own body, for one- AL, STOP TAKING PICTURES OF IT.

America: As long as it bothers you, I'm gonna keep doing it!

2p!America: I'm going to punch you. Anyway, I'd like to go to get something to eat, like, my favorite is McDonald's, but they can choose since I'm not that picky, and then we go back to my house-

America: NICE.

2p!America: -glares- and we can play video games all night. I dunno. I'm not so into the sex thing. -itches crotch- Al, I think you're diseased or something. I've been itchy since we switched.

America: Aw, don't worry about it. They'll go away in a couple days.

2p!America: -looks- I SAW SOMETHING MOVE! GROSS.

Iggy: Hee hee Al has crabs.

America: Not anymore! Haha!

Iggy: Anyway, England, name the most embarrassing thing you've ever done, or I'll push the button.

England: -sweat- Well, er, my voice didn't really start to get deeper until I was fifteen or so, so there was a time where I worked at a... uh, -sigh- how to make this polite...

France: He worked as an underage male prostitute, and dressed as a girl to blend in more. In bed!

England: -blush- FRANCE!

France: You were stumbling over it, so I had to say it, in bed!

Iggy: Ah, yes. Reminds me of the time I went on a school trip to Seattle and we went on the Seattle Underground tour and learned about prostitution in the city's early days. There was a picture of a certain house's most popular girls, and one of them was actually a guy. So in conclusion, there were a LOT of gay men in early Seattle.

Everyone: -disturbed-

Iggy: Those are the faces I like to see! Now, let's move on! Prussia, let's hear it! Uh... Hang on. Powers switch back.

Prussia: I don't know what just happened but whatever! Alright, so... -smirk- He came into my bed every night until he was fifteen.

Germany: -blush- I DID NOT!

Prussia: Yeah you did! You still sometimes come into my room when your little boyfriend isn't there!

Germany: -shouting in embarrassed German-

Prussia: -cackling-

Austria: -staring at Prussia- I like Hungary better, since she can at least behave civilized.

Iggy: Things are doing great! Let's see... Scotland?

Scotland: Look, the kid was almost ten years younger than me, we were going to war, all that stuff. He was also a pain. And the townspeople all thought he was a witch. So it was best to sort of let him do his own thing.

England: I nearly starved, froze and died of the plague at least three times each!

Scotland: Also you GAVE me the plague!

England: I personally didn't! That was your own fault for ignoring us when we said to close borders!

Iggy: -turns around and sees spider in front of her- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! -spiders ends up on her face- _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

2p!America: I'll save you! -smacks book onto Iggy-

Spider: -crawls off into a corner-

Iggy: -gets up, rubbing face- OW. -hits button in anger-

2p!America: -springboarded into fanpit- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!

Iggy: Anyway, while writing this I noticed a spider in the corner of my room. I'm sort of scared of 'em so I wrote about how much I hate them. Let's move on! Powers, switch!

America: -eyes turn back to blue- Whoa! It happened again. -looking at self- Hey! I'm back to being me!

2p!America: -eyes turn back to red- Aw, -bleep-... I mean, I like my body fine, I just-

Iggy: You have lice in places you didn't know you had lice.

2p!America: Yeah, pretty much.

 _Dare:_

 _Romano: APHHetaliaLover the Magician here. From now on you must put a euro/currency-of-what-country-you-are-in. *Throws smoke bomb and runs away*_

 _-APHHetaliaLover_

Romano: ...What the -bleep-?

Italy: -does the macarena- Why won't it stop!?

Iggy: Well uh, we're in Seattle, which is in America, so uh... I guess give me $50 and we're good. **_(I'm doing my best here but sometimes, if you don't speak English too well and use Google Translate, I can't figure it out. Feel free to clarify with a PM if it seems like I don't know exactly what you're asking/daring!)_**

Romano: -grumbling- -bleep-ing -bleep- -bleep-... -gives Iggy money-

Italy: -frantic macarena to keep up with Romano-

 _I loved the dares and now mine_

 _France go inside the fangirl pit wearing ear plugs_

 _Prussia say your real true feelings about Canada you have nothing to worry about_

 _Turn England back into a girl_

 _Have South impregnated her_

 _America how many burgers do you eat a day_

 _Have South Italy eat wurst and potatoes_

 _All of you do a benny hill chase scene please_

 _.SP_

Iggy: Nice! -gives France ear plugs- Put these in.

France: -does it- WHY THOUGH? IN BED.

Iggy: -pushes button and waves at France-

France: -springboarded- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! -lands- Well, this isn't as bad as I thought it would be, in bed.

Fangirls: -notice him- -screaming-

France: I wonder where that distant shrieking is coming from, in bed.

Fangirls: -grab France from all sides-

France: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! -attacked.

Iggy: Welp. Prussia, let's hear what you'd like to do if Canada wasn't your best friend's kid!

Prussia: -shrug- He's cute. I'd take him to the park and all that mushy girly stuff, but it wouldn't be mushy and girly with him, you know?

Canada: Aww! -kisses Prussia on the cheek- I'll talk to Papa and maybe he'll let us date a little!

Prussia: -blushing- Oh.

Iggy: Al, go find South.

2p!America: Don't tell me what to do- -sees Iggy's hand hovering over the button- Yes, ma'am! -runs off-

Iggy: Powers, girl!

England: -boobs- ...Again?

Iggy: Yup! Now, where's Al with South?

2p!America: -comes back dragging South- He was hiding in the crawlspace under the building.

South: There was no shame there. Just me, God and a raccoon family.

Iggy: Alright, so, South, we need you to go in the closet and have some fun!

South: But-

Iggy: South, throw all your ideals out the window and go have sex with a British woman. -points to closet which England has already been shoved into- Now.

South: -loud sigh- Fine. -goes into closet-

-several minutes later-

England: -sigh- You really have no idea what you're doing in bed.

South: -tired out- I dunno what you're talking about. I thought that was amazing...

England: -sighs louder- No wonder your wife doesn't love you.

South: WHAT!? -runs after Engand out of the closet- SAY THAT TO MY FACE!

England: You are not good in bed at all, and that's why your wife doesn't love you.

South: SHE DOES TOO! -looks at Belarus- Right, Nat?

Belarus: -sweats-

Iggy: Anyway, here, England! -hands pregnancy test-

England: -takes it- HOW?! WE DID IT ONCE!

Belarus: Our child was a wedding night conception.

South: SHHHH. SHHHHHHHHHHH. DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT.

Iggy: Anyway, now you guys know that South is married to Belarus and they have a kid! Let's see... how to get this baby out of England fast... I KNOW! A MONTAGE! POWERS, MONTAGE!

-one quick pregnancy montage later-

England: -gently gives child to fanboys since it's a boy- There we are.

America: I eat like, sometimes five.

England: That's why you're so unhealthy!

America: I'm not unhealthy! Why don't you get on Canada's case? He drinks syrup! Or South? He fries everything!

South: That's because everything is better deep fried!

Iggy: I had some deep fried crab legs once. I don't really like crab, but this was just caught that morning, so it was fresh, and it was deep fried. It was good! Sort of like a chicken nugget only fishy.

South: Mmm... I like seafood. River fishes are better, though. You ever had fried catfish?

Iggy: No, but I've had fresh-caught salmon my whole life! Also homemade Italian and soul food, since that's what my mom knows how to make! Anyway, before we get sidetracked, let's move on!

Romano: I will not touch that -bleep-!

Italy: -doing the macarena- Why brother?

Iggy: Aww, come on! It's actually really good food! You just have a moral thing against it, like South and uh... Obamacare.

South: The government should stay out of our affairs!

Iggy: South, you are a clumsy redneck who lives in a trailer park and is too poor to hire anyone to do any home repairs for you. You should WANT free healthcare.

South: It's my own damn fault if I get hurt, so the government shouldn't be paying for it!

Iggy: -sigh- I'm upper working class, economically, so Obamacare bought my glasses and pays for my birth control!

South: Why are you on-

Iggy: It stops period cramps!

South: GROSs!

Iggy: Oh my god you are so immature. VAGINA.

South: -shreiking-

Iggy: -chanting the word vagina-

2p!America: Welcome to Truth or Dare everyone! Now eat your -bleep-ing German food!

Romano: -makes a big show of taking a bite and then falling over and pretending to die- -bleep- this.

Italy: -does the macarena-

South: -screaming, runs off the stage into the fanpit-

Iggy: CHASE HIM AND SHOUT -bleep- ABOUT THE FEMALE BODY EVERYONE!

Everyone: -chases, shouting at South-

-After a chase montage which involves South diving into the crawlspace, people running into each other and 2p!America having a quickie with a fangirl, spotting South as he reemerges and giving chase-

Iggy: -dragging South by his suspenders- Now, South, read the next review for us.

South: -dirty from crawling all over the place- -huffs- Fine. -LeapReader-

OMG I absolutely loved this chapter! South is my favorite OC I have seen so far :) now I have some truths and dares for some characters Prussia : I dare you to flirt with any country of your choice, and if rejected go in the naughty closet with Russia for 5 minutes South: I dare you to give Canada a hug France : I dare you to eat Souths roadkill and now for some truths! Canada: why are you so quiet? Prussia: ( because you are my favorite) Why is awesome your favorite word? France and England: Do you love each other? Because I am FRUK shipper for life

-I'mDivergent13

Iggy: People like you, South!

South: -eyeing fangirls nervously- Yeah, I can tell.

South fangirls: -there's like twenty of them now-

Iggy: -peering over edge of stage- Those fangirls are scary because they're not afraid to draw and wave your flag around...

South: I ain't afraid to.

Iggy: That's different. You're stupid. Now, Prussia. Flirt.

Prussia: -looks at the rest of the dare- Uh... Better do it with someone who won't reject... -walks up to 2p!America- Whoa, what happened to your face?

2p!America: What?

Prussia: I can't get over it!

2p!America: Uh...

Prussia: It's so perfect, it makes me wonder... did you have a fall, from heaven?

2p!America: Wooooow. That wasn't a good one. But whatever. Closet?

Prussia: Ja!

-a few minute later-

Iggy: I like suffering. He's all yours, Russia.

Russia: -pleased smile- -drags Prussia into the closet-

Prussia: WHYYYYYYYYYY!?

Iggy: South, go hug Canada.

South: -huff- -awkward male hug-

Canada: -awkwardly hugs back- Uh.

Iggy: Alright, so South, now that you've done that, let's go get some roadkill and you gotta prepare it for France!

South: Right! -runs off-

-a while later-

South: -comes back with flat raccoon-

Iggy: Where'd you get that?

South: Huh? Oh. I saw a mama coon get hit by an eighteen-wheeler. I went and got the baby and took the mama to eat. Why?

Baby Raccoon: -peeks out of South's shirt pocket- -small peeping sound-

All the girls: AWWWWW!

Iggy: CUTE! Let's call it something ironically terrifying!

South: Killer.

Baby Raccoon: -peep-

South: Anyway, I usually make roadkills into stew! -cooking-

France: -wrinkles up nose at bowl of raccoon stew- I suppose I've had to do worse. In bed. -eats stew- -looks a bit sick-

Iggy: Alright! Now, Canada, why so quiet?

Canada: I guess because that's just how I am? I'm just not loud, like America...

Iggy: That's as good an answer as any!

Prussia: Awesome is my favorite word because I am my favorite person, and I am awesome, therefore awesome is my favorite word because it is also my favorite person, me!

Iggy: In other news, Local Albino So Self-Absorbed He Literally Implodes on Himself.

England: I do NOT love France!

Iggy: You guys got married last night while drunk.

France: Well that means nothing! In bed!

England: I DO NOT LOVE HIM.

Iggy: Don't worry. I ship them too.

FrUk fangirls: -glare at UsUk fangirls-

UsUk fangirls: -rekindle the war-

Iggy: Well. Uh, that's all we have for today, friends! Check back like, probably after like four tomorrow because I get off school at 2 and then I have to do homework and crap!

 _ **I am so glad people like South! Anyway, if anyone cared, my classes are like, AP European History, Biotechnology, Financial Fitness/Economics, English, German, Yoga. Lunch is like, after English. Good times.**_


	8. Iggy and Her Phone

_**It's 9:30 PM at the time of writing this I have school tomorrow at 7. I should go to bed but nope.**_

Iggy: Whoo! We're gonna dive right into this one!

 _Yay. A new chapter! Anyway I am just fresh from watching a yaoi anime so this will be good._

 _Dares:_

 _Prussia, Austria, Hungary, closet. Now._

 _2p! Germany and Italy: watch the normal Hetalia. Ya know what, screw it EVERYONE WATCH HETALIA_

 _Ollie give Arthur some special cupcakes._

 _2p!s: what do you do for a living_

 _England: is flying mint bunny here? Why don't you have a conversation_

 _South: how exactly did Belarus have your baby *wiggles eyebrows*_

 _That's it for now._

 _Saurus chan out!_

 _P.S. The 2p!s must act like cats_

 _-fairytailasaurus_

Iggy: A threesome is a great way to start this chapter!

Austria: I will not go into the closet with someone like Prussia!

Prussia: Scaredy-cat!

Hungary: -rolls eyes and drags them both into the closet-

Iggy: Great! While they're doing that, let's watch some TV! -herds everyone into the movie room-

-the entire first season of Hetalia later-

Austria, Hungary and Prussia: -re-emerge from the closet-

Iggy: Nice! Alright. Oliver, you have some of those cupcakes, right?

2p!England: Yup! Here, Artie! Have one!

England: Err, no thinks...

Iggy: Eat it or go in the fanpit.

England: ...-takes the cupcake- It's just red velvet... it's just red velvet... -shoves entire thing into mouth, swallows, then immediatly throws it back up- Ugh...

Iggy: Now! All you 2ps! Tell us what you do!

2p!America: I steal stuff. Rob banks sometimes, that sort of thing.

2p!Canada: I help Al, and one time I went and did some logging in the mountains.

2p!England: I sell my cupcakes and loot the pockets of, er... my...

2p!America: Murder victims?

2p!England: No! But I loot pockets.

2p!France: I mooch off of Oliver since he seems to like me and with enough wine I can put up with anything. -starts to light cigarette-

Iggy: -points to the porch- Out.

2p!France: -huffs and heads over there-

Iggy: Also, since I caught certain nations at it, (coughtheCanadascough) smoking pot is legal in Washington, yeah, but you have to go outside for that too because I won't have any of you guys smelling up my stage!

South: Some of y'all are druggies!?

Iggy: Nice of you to join us, South. Now, what about the rest of you 2ps?

2p!nations: -replies range from nothing to odd jobs to mafia activity-

Iggy: Now, for the end of the review, all of you guys pose and do the think or all of you go into the fanpit!

2p!nations: -all get into cute kitty poses- Meow.

Iggy: England, is your flying mint bunny here?

England: No, he isn't. I've been taking these pills which make him go away, but help with er, other things.

Iggy: -looks at medicine- Schizophrenia? Wow. That explains a lot.

South: -stares at the truth- I uh... Didn't your mama ever tell you where babies come from?

Belarus: -sigh- We went back to our room after our wedding and well, we did what couples on their wedding night do.

South: Nat, hush!

Belarus: What? You say it.

South: -blushing furiously- We didn't use a 'comdom 'cuz I thought I couldn't get a girl pregnant on the first time.

2p!America: You waited a hundred and fifty years to lose your virginity? No wonder you suck in bed!

South: Shut up!

Iggy: Alright! Before a fight breaks out, I must go to bed. Everyone shut up until the morning or else. -sets up bed and goes to sleep-

Everyone: -awkwardly glancing at each other as they settle on the floor in sleeping bags and such-

-several hours later-

Iggy: -walks in the front door- ALRIGHT, EVERYONE UP!

Everyone: -jumps up, a couple salute her-

Iggy: I'm in a bad mood today because I'm probably going to have to get a new phone and my PE class had to run in the heat today, so everyone better look out!

 _Yeah, I think I just crushed some of your dignity. I think I'll crush some more maybe..._

 _Truth_

 _All: what do you think of me after all I put you through?_

 _All: What gender am I? ((A: I'm a girl))_

 _2p Italy: would you like to meet my oc? She's like you but less angry_

 _2p Italy: I heard you have a second personality named Ignacio. Is that true?_

 _Dare_

 _All: watch SAO abridged episode 1 & 2_

 _2p Italy: 'torture' 2p Germany ; )_

 _America: do the kill me baby dance._

 _Italies: become friends_

 _Pocky challenge!_

 _2p & 1p gerita_

 _Sorry ; p_

 _-topaz3_

All the Nations: -glare in the general direction of where they think the reviewers come from-

Iggy: They're scared to say it, but they were mad. It was funny.

Nations: -glaring-

Iggy: Now, let's see before I tell you guys, guess the reviewer's gender!

South: Most of 'em are girls, ain't they?

England: It isn't very ladylike to torment people so. I think it must be a boy. A young one at that.

America: I dunno, England. Have you talked to young girls of my country?

England: What makes you so sure it's an American!?

America: Because everyone's an American!

Other nations: -general facepalming-

Iggy: Well, it turns out it's a girl! So you and South were right, America! I'm actually a little surprised you two agreed... Anyway, let's move on before I literally kill someone.

England: You shouldn't misuse 'literally' like that- -crushed by a smashy plate from the ceiling-

Iggy: -hand on button- Literally. Kill. Someone. -revives England-

England: -huff- Rude.

Iggy: -looks at 2p!Italy-

2p!Italy: Er, I'm not the sort of person you want to meet new people with. And I do NOT have a second personality!

Other 2p!nations: Yeah sure okay...

Iggy: All you 2ps are some sort of crazy.

South: Ain't that the truth.

Iggy: Alright, movie room time again everyone! And now we're selling large popcorns for $5.99 and sodas for $3!

America: Isn't that a little excessive?

Iggy: Look, you guys are a captive audience so you're going to pay for it even if I make it $10 so march!

-everyone goes in to watch, grumbling-

America: -eating popcorn and drinking soda-

Iggy: Hee hee hee.

America: -gives Iggy the finger-

-after they have watched-

America: If the world were actually made of gamers...

Iggy: Yup! Now, Alfie, you're gonna regret having eaten so much!

America: Why?

Iggy: Because you have to do this dance! -shows on laptop screen-

America: But-

Iggy: -presses button-

America: -shocked by the floor- OW! -clumsily dancing- Am I doing it? -ZAP- OW!

Iggy: -evil grin as she shocks him over and over-

America: -laying on the ground twitching-

Iggy: Alright! You okay there, America?

America: -twitch-

Iggy: Cool!

2p!Italy: -smirks, grabs 2p!Germany and they go into the closet for hardcore sex-

Iggy: While that's happening, we'll move on! I switched the two up on accident but I woke up late for school today alright?

South: You take the bus.

Iggy: Yeah, and?

South: How the hell did you get to the high school on time?

Iggy: My dad drives and he doesn't go to work until noon. Good thing, I guess.

South: I lived at school.

Iggy: Yeah, yeah, stuck-up little rich private school boy Jason G. Jones, got it.

South: I ain't rich and I sure ain't stuck-up!

2p!Italy: -comes from the closet- Germany will be along in a moment, after the wounds have closed!

Iggy: Good! You're just in time to become friends with your 1p self!

Italy: What!? But he's scary!

2p!Italy: And he's a -bleep-ing wuss!

Iggy: -sigh- look, hug each other and make an effort to be nice and we'll call it good. I don't have it in me to force you guys... I'm still kind of sad about my phone.

Italy: Ve! -hugs 2p!Italy-

2p!Italy: -awkwardly hugs back and gives Iggy a death glare-

Iggy: -happily waves- Alright, now you guys go to your respective Germanies, and do the pocky game!

Italy: Pocky game?

Iggy: Japan, show 'em!

Japan: -sweats- Er, well... -explains it- _(In case you don't know, the pocky game is when two people take a stick of pocky and starting at opposite ends munch up towards the middle- first one to back off loses. It's also called a pocky kiss because of this. I read that online while looking it up a couple years back. :3)_

Germany and Italy: -get about halfway before Germany backs off-

2p!Germany and 2p!Italy: -make it all the way because 2p!Italy is threatening his Germany at knifepoint to keep going-

Iggy: Well then. Now, let's keep moving!

 _Hi Guys I think I'm one of the first to South's Fangirl unless Iggy likes him one of the first to hug him but here's my dares_

 _Japan give Iggy a new phone_

 _Hit South with a coconut and make lose his memories_

 _reenact the breakfast club_

 _2p America eat whatever epic meal time makes_

 _Also get neuter_

 _France shave your hair off_

 _Prussia and Canada do the lady and the tramp spaghetti kiss_

 _America England do a snow white kiss because I'm on usuk side of battle_

 _.SP_

South: -glances into fanpit-

South fangirls: (like 20 of them) -eye him hungrily-

South: Uh...

Iggy: -shoves South into the fanpit- I like him fine, but you should have him for a while!

South: -screeching-

Iggy: Japan, get me a new phone!

Japan: I have a better idea. Did you try going to your school's lost and found?

Iggy: Yeah. Three times.

Japan: Go again and I'll work on making a new phone.

Iggy: -runs out the door to go to the high school-

-a while later-

Iggy: -slams open the door as triumphant music plays and multicolor lights and lasers flash all over the place- GUYS! -silence as she holds up a phone in a green case and a 2p!America background picture-

Fan crowd: -erupts into cheering and screaming-

Nations: -awkwardly applaud-

Italy: -jumping up and down and clapping-

2p!America: TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT!

Iggy: -steps on button-

2p!America: -springboarded into fanpit-

Iggy: Anyway, I got my phone back in real life too! The school lost and found had it. -reads paper- We need to get South back. Al, too. Hang on. -uses powers to levitate them both out of the fanpit-

South: Aw, come on! I was gonna get out of there!

Iggy: Hey, South, let's go check out one of those Hawaiian Islands. -teleports everyone there-

Everyone: -looking around nervously wondering what's going to happen and to who-

South: -snort- My part of the country's still better- -hit on the head and knocked out-

Iggy: ...Whoops. -teleports everyone back-

South: -wakes up- ...-speaks Spanish-

Everyone: ?

America: South you know Spanish?

South: -confused Spanish-

England: It must be the first language he ever learnt, if he's defaulting back to it. Who raised him?

France: I thought he was mine, since America bought all that land from me! (Louisiana Purchase)

England: But his capital- in Virginia- it was a British colony!

South: -increasingly concerned Spanish-

America: And all you countries who speak Spanish are just gonna ignore us and not translate for him at all?

Spanish Speaking Nations: Pretty much, yeah. He deserves to suffer.

France: Spain had some territory in California and Florida, but I don't think California is Southern...

Iggy: Let's move on!

South: -doesn't understand anyone and is very scared-

Iggy: -gets into director's chair- Alright guys! Let's get this sorted out! I haven't really ever seen this movie so let's do this! ACTION! (One time my mom put on a rated R movie and I went "mom this is rated R" and she just stared at me because I forgot that I am almost 18.)

-one clumsy reenactment later that involves shouting at South to make him go where he is supposed to go and 2p!America flirting with everyone-

Iggy: That went great!

South: -disgruntled Spanish-

Iggy: Haha, me too! Now, Al. I went on Epic Meal Time's channel and found the latest episode. You can either eat a giant cupcake stuffed with doughnuts or a giant burger stuffed with other burgers.

2p!America: But...

Iggy: THE REVIEWERS CARE NOT FOR YOUR VEGANISM AL. -teleports in a table with the giant burger and the giant cupcake- NOW YOU HAVE TO DO BOTH.

2p!America: Or what?

Iggy: Or we lock you in the closet with Oliver and make him make you eat 'em.

2p!America: -holds nose and starts eating burger-

-a few minutes later-

2p!America: -throwing up all over the place-

South: -disgusted Spanish-

Iggy: I agree. That's gross.

2p!America: uuugh... Am I done?

Iggy: You still have the cupcake-

2p!America: -collapses in a pool of vomit and tears-

Iggy: ...Or not. Hey America, you want this?

America: -bleep- YEAH I DO! -nom-

Iggy: Hey, Oliver. Do me a favor while Al's passed out!

2p!England: Yes?

Iggy: -whispers-

2p!England: -giggle-

-a few moments later-

2p!America: uugh... -wakes up tied up in the middle of the stage- Huh. Tied up and covered in my own vomit. This is a decent way to wake up.

Iggy: Hi, buddy! I have something for you!

2p!America: What?

2p!England: -hands Iggy a knife and smirks evilly-

2p!America: UH, what's going on here?

South: -looking on in horror since he doesn't remember knowing 2p!America or being on this show-

Iggy: -smirk- -slices off 2p!America's vital regions-

2p!America: -screams- WHYYYYYYY? I NEED THOSE!

Iggy: Aw, come on... it'll grow back! -tosses the parts to the fangirls-

2p!America: -screaming in pain-

Iggy: -cuts him free- Now go take a shower. You smell like burger puke and blood.

2p!America: -whimpering, limps out-

Iggy: France! Come here!

South: -fearfully looking at Iggy-

Iggy: Don't worry, he isn't going to get hurt!

France: What is it- -caught by 2p!England and tied down- Oh.

Iggy: -holds up razor and smirks-

-a few moments later-

France: -bald- -crying- Why?

Iggy: -buzzes razor a little bit- Because the reviewer wanted it to happen! Now, Prussia, Canada, what I have for you is a nice dinner! -teleports big plate of spaghetti in-

Canada: Oh!

Prussia: Nice!

Canada: -eating spaghetti-

Prussia: -eating same strand-

Prussia and Canada: -accidentally kiss-

Canada: -pulls away- I uh...

Iggy: Awkward! -puts England to sleep on a bed- America! We need a hero!

America: WHAT! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME FOR?

Iggy: England will only wake up if someone kisses him on the mouth! Do it!

America: Gross!

Iggy: Some hero, backing away from something just because it's gross...

America: Fine! I will! -goes and kisses England on the mouth-

England: -wakes up, shoves America away- AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHh!

America: -shoved, wipes mouth off- UGH!

Iggy: Haha! Now, for our final review this chapter!

 _Hey guys I'm back! But anyways on to business._

 _Dares:_

 _Canada: Your gonna get turned into a girl and make-out with Prussia for five minutes.(Whether you like it or NOT!)_

 _America: You and south must renacted out The Battle of Gettysburg(Civial war)_

 _1p and 2p Germany: Reaction: journal/the-Germany-is-HRE-theory-291050174_

 _Truths:_

 _Swizerland: Why do you think your place would be the safes if WW3 where to break out?_

 _Prussia: Was HRE yor older broha? And whats you reaction to New Prussia, Candada?_

 _South is more awesome than North America (Personatily wise)_

 _~ArmCannos_

Iggy: Alright! More kissing! -runs to shove Prussia and Canada together, shoving South into the fanpit-

South: -hits the ground hard enough to be knocked out-

South fangirls: ...He's not fun unless he's yelling at us. -poke at South-

Iggy: Powers, girl! -Canada gets boobs- Alright! Prussia, make out with this!

Prussia: ...I see no issues.

France: Be careful, Canada!

-five minutes of kissing later-

Canada: Why does everyone want me to kiss Prussia all the time!?

Iggy: Because it's cute. Now, moving on- -bleep- I think South fell into the fanpit again. Hang on. -goes into fanpit to get South-

-a few moments later-

Iggy: -resurfaces with South- Hey! Wake up!

South: -slowly waking up- Uugh... What happened?

Iggy: Hey! His memory is back! No more Spanish!

South: I don't know Spanish, dummy.

Iggy: That's my redneck trash baby!

South: -looks at Iggy funny- Huh.

Iggy: Anyway, -teleports everyone to an arena that resembles a battlefield- here we are at Hetalia: Truth or Dare's first Civil War reenactment, only with real weapons and only like two people!

America: -notices he is in the arena and not the audience-

South: -same-

Both: -glare at each other-

Iggy: Powers, uniform! -puts them in their respective uniform colors with guns and everything- FIGHT!

-one battle later-

South: -dead-

America: Hahaa! The Union forever!

Iggy: -revives South-

South: Hmph. Y'know I was in that battle, right?

America: Me too, but I mostly stayed back.

South: I didn't- I was right there.

Iggy: Anyway, let's move on! -teleports everyone back- Now, Germanies, read this! -hands them the laptop with the page on it-

-one reading later-

Germany: I... don't know what to say.

2p!Germany: Me neither.

Iggy: Well! I happen to believe in the Germany is HRE theory!

Switzerland: We'll do what we did during World War 2 and shoot down everyone, regardless of who they are!

South: What if we go in with chainsaws and big trucks and stuff?

Switzerland: How are you intending to get your big trucks and chainsaws to Europe?

South: ...Most of us got boats.

Switzerland: Are these small boats or boats that can cross the ocean?

South: Look, anything can cross an ocean if you try hard enough!

Iggy: It's a running joke in me and my friend snackpack's server that WW3 was caused by Donald Trump becoming president.

Everyone: -stares at Iggy-

South: Why is that a bad thing?

Everyone: -staring shifts to South-

South: What?

Iggy: Anyway, before South offends more people, let's keep moving! Prussia?

Prussia: Holy Rome was a baby brother of mine. He was just a kid, and France killed him! Can you even beleive my best friend would do such a thing? This is why I like Spain better.

France: -scandalized gasp-

Spain: -humming obliviously-

Prussia: And as for New Prussia, I think it's awesome of Canada to care about me so much he named a place after me!

Canada: -blushy face- Aww...

South: -turns to America- SEE? THE REVIEWERS LIKE ME BETTER!

2p!America: They must have great taste in dirt and racism.

South: YOU WANNA GO, YANK?

Iggy: -slides in front of South- That's all we have for now, so send in more reviews and I'll get to 'em when I get to 'em!

 _ **I can't believe I got my phone back! What happened was, the lady at the lost and found knows me because I also lost my Hetalia coffee cup, and then the phone thing, and stuff, so I was there a lot, and so at lunch time I went to go check for either my cup or phone and the lady was all like, "HEY! I was waiting for you to show up!" and handed me my phone, and I was so happy I ran up the staircase to tell my brother because he has the same lunch period as me. Also, I'm sort of curious- I know from previous reviews where some of you are from, but like, what countries are you guys from? I'm American and wondering where my fanbase generally is!**_


	9. Iggy's Life Gets In The Way

Iggy: Ahh, yes. Another day, another short time on a hot and overcrowded bus and a walk home.  
South: When I was a kid-  
Iggy: South, nobody cares about you and your hard life on the cotton farm. Now, let's get on to our first review, which actually has something to do with you!

 _Hi again ok_  
 _dares:_  
 _2p England kiss 2p America_

 _America kiss England_

 _Romano sing the delicious tomato song_

 _Truths:_  
 _South why do/did you support slavery so much?_

 _Russia why are you so scary?_

 _South how do you feel that Barus was obsessed with her brother and wanted to spend all eternity with him by going as far as to stalk him? Did she do it too u too?_

 _2p Italy why u so hot? Italy, why u so adorable?_  
 _-tokyoghoul234_

2p!England: But I- -kissed by 2p!America-  
2p!America: -backs away to find a knife embedded in his stomach- ... -thumbs up- Worth it! -collapses-  
America: Why does everyone want me to kiss England? That's like making me kiss my dad... -shudder- ugh.  
England: Oh, come on. Just do it so we won't die. Come on, come on. -breif kiss on the lips-  
America: EW EW EW EW! -runs around shouting ew-  
Iggy: Wow, immature much? (I mean I ship Fruk mostly but uh)  
UsUk fangirls: -launch further attacks on FrUk fangirls-  
Romano: Sing? -bleep- no.  
Iggy: -hand hovering over button- Hmm?  
Romano: ...-gets on karaoke machine- Buno tomato buno tomato...  
-several moments later-  
Spain: -hugs Romano- Ahh! You were so cute!  
Romano: Get off of me before I stab you with a pencil.  
Spain: -backs off but pats Romano on the head- You sounded good!  
Romano: -angry buzzing-  
Iggy: Anyway, look at South awkwardly and expectantly everyone!  
Everyone: -turns to look at South-  
South: -takes a couple steps back- Uh, well, I mean...  
2p!America: It's because contrary to popular belif, South is actually a horrible person.  
South: -glares at 2p!America- It's 'cuz I was taught it was alright. But, -stands up straighter- I always thought it wasn't right to treat the slaves badly, just 'cuz they were meant to serve us. And I've moved past supporting it anyway. I'm hip. With the times. Per-gression?  
2p!America: He tried to make me sit at a segregated table at the UN meeting.  
South: Look! The thing about that is that I happen to think that if we mix the schools especially, then we're gonna end up with kids of different colors picking on each other and-  
Iggy: -slides in front of South- ALRIGHT. Thanks for your opinons, South. Now, Russia, why are you scary?  
Russia: Probably because I never got social interaction growing up and now I have permenently stunted social skills! -smiles brightly-  
Iggy: Well. Now, South, tell us about your wife's past.  
South: Er, well, I thought it was weird she wanted to marry her own brother, but-  
2p!America: He couldn't really judge her since he's slept with his cousin.  
South: -shoots 2p!America with shotgun- As I was saying, I could see past all that to the woman I wanted. She never really did the whole stalking thing. I mean I guess she did find my address and satellite pictures of my house before she came over for the first time...  
2p!America: -on the ground in a growing pool of blood- I bet you love those cute Southern boys in bed, huh, Nat?  
Belarus: -loud sigh-  
South: -proud grin- We do that stuff every night, almost! It's fun!  
Belarus: -SIGH-  
Iggy: South isn't that good in bed, huh?  
Belarus: -says the word 'no' in Belarusian-  
South: Tetris piroshki, da to you too, honey!  
Belarus: -sighs into another dimension, facepalms- I should have stuck with Big Brother...  
Iggy: Moving on! Holy crap, it's December already! -hair gets boy-short in the back and bangs turn red- Whoop, hair change! Also, my birthday was November 23rd! I'm 18 now! Finally! -looks down at feet- Holy -bleep- I started this fanfiction account when I was like, eleven to write -bleep-y Sly Cooper fanfiction...

-Massive timeskip due to Iggy's life taking over-

Iggy: Anyway that's why I have a job now- Wow, nearly an entire year has passed uh sorry everyone...  
Nations: -most of them went home after a week-  
Iggy: ...POWERS, BRING BACK!  
Nations: -appear- darn.  
South: I guess we're back now. I guess I'll have to tell my family.  
Iggy: South, you have a family?  
South: Yeah. I got a wife and twelve kids, and number thirteen on the way! That's after Nat left me, anyway.  
Iggy: ...Nat left you?  
Nat: He cheated on me! He slept with- -springboarded into fanpit-  
South: Oops.  
Iggy: Well, if people want to know who South slept with go on and let us know in the reviews! And as always, even a year later, if you don't like something about this fic and just have to let me know, please for the sake of other reviewers, PM me instead of leaving a bunch of negative reviews in my reveiw section! Now to go find the rest of the stuff that got submitted while we were gone and to start a new chapter in which to do all of them so I'm caught up before I post this! -leaves-

* * *

 _ **I'm back! Although I'm an adult with a full time job now so I mean, I'm not really super back, but I'll try and update as much as I can! And before you guys all ask, my job isn't cool. I'm a Walmart cashier.**_


	10. -dixieland car horn-

**_Once more, I'd like it if anyone who has an issue with me, this fic, or my writing of it to please not post a review and instead PM me so as to spare my readers from all the negativity, since almost directly after I said it last time I got a negative review. My readers are innocent in these matters and are simply out to enjoy a classically formatted and mostly dead fanfiction genre, so I politely ask that people do not involve them in matters of judging my maturity or moral character, all of which have been harshly judged by negative reviewers before. Thanks, and enjoy this rather long chapter!_**

 ** _Also I'll make an offical poll on my profile if it becomes enough of an issue, but my username literally everywhere else is either IggyMouse or actual-iggy, I'm just trying to preserve twelve year old me's amazing naming abilities with my penname on here. Should I keep CutelittleMouseygirl or change it to actual_iggy? Send a review letting me know!_**

* * *

Iggy: Just so we're all clear my hair is still red. It was purple for a while but it's red again now. People at work love it. Anyway, let's jump in right away!

 _I dare england to run around screaming "I AM HARRY POTTER BOW DOWN TO ME, MUGGLES!"_

 _-Guest_

England: No.

Iggy: Would ya do it for some rum?

England: ...Can I have that first?

Iggy: Sure. -hands it over- Have fun.

England: -chugs bottle- -runs around screaming-

Iggy: Gosh. Let's move on!

 _I'm Mexican American born living in California and hate racists but I'm South's biggest fangirl strange I'm not the creepy type so don't worry South anyway time for some toture  
Did you like my dares because they're going to get worst  
Russia China I've forgotten about you but no more China I chose you to fight all the fangirls to death to get your baby back  
South do the same but fight the fanboys  
Turn England into a girl again and use a love spell on him and South  
Belarus divorce South and marry Russia  
France I feel bad for you shaving your hair so wear this lady gaga wig  
Prussia how would you like to meet your child  
New Prussia  
I love messing with 2p America so mpreg Oliver  
Everyone listen to Poland sing the my little pony theme song  
Thank you almost forgot Iggy here's a devil horn hat and pitchfork for being an awesome author_

 _.SP_

Iggy: Nice! I can't think of a neat response to where you're from other than the fact that I don't have my outdoor allergies in California because I'm mostly allergic to pine trees and there aren't a lot there! Also South is really an enigma to like, isn't he?

South: I ain't racist, that's why you like me.

Everyone: -sweats audibly-

Iggy: -reads negative review- They called me a weeaboo for describing my clothing. I dunno how that makes sense but I'm not denying it, bro…

China: But I didn't even want the baby…

Iggy: Too bad! The reviewers are the Sims players and you guys are the Sims! You have to do as they tell you or else the entire thing is really sort of pointless as a video game, uhm... (Yes, my typing style changed. It's closer to how I talk in real life now, so that's cool.)

South: -punts China into the fanpit- GO GET 'EM!

China: AIYAAA! -lands- FINE. I WILL FIGHT FOR MY WEIRD CRANE-FLY CHILD.

Iggy: South, go pick a fight with the fanboys.

South: Why?

Iggy: …They're from Seattle so probably they're voting for Hilary Clinton?

South: I'LL KILL THEM LIBERAL YANKEE SONS'A -BLEEP-S! -jumps into fanboy pit-

Iggy: We'll come back to that second part once South is done being angry. -glances at negative review- I'm glad that even if people don't like me or the fic they think South is cool. -advertisement voice- Read A Civil War Tale for more about that lovable Southern idiot!

Belarus: I've already done the first part. He slept with another girl, so I decided it was time to leave. As for marrying Big Brother… -creepy glow- Come here, Big Brother~

Russia: AAAAAAAAAHHHH -runs away screaming and being chased-

Iggy: WHEN YOU CATCH HIM I'LL MARRY YOU GUYS! -looks into fanboy pit- Dang, South's really holding his own against those ten teenage boys.

France: I appreciate the fact you feel bad. -puts wig on- This isn't _awful_ …

Prussia: I'm not paying child support. -high-fived by 2p!America-

Iggy: Al, come here. Go in there. -shoves into closed with 2p!England-

2p!America: -shoved- Wait, what- NO NO NO NO NO BRO, BRO DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT HE'LL DO IN THERE -BLEEP- HELP ME! -door locked-

Iggy: Let's check on everyone else right now!

South: -getting overtaken by fanboys-

China: -was dead ten centuries ago-

Russia: -runs by screaming and being chased-

Poland: -rad karaoke singing-

South: HAHAHA YOU SING LIKE A GIRL! -tackled by ten fanboys- AHH!

Iggy: -lifts South out of fanpit- Alright, come here. Powers, girl!

England: -girl- Again?

Iggy: The reviewer really ships this, I guess. Powers, love!

South: -shy and blushing suddenly- Gosh…

England: You shouldn't be cute because you're a stupid American… You're _the_ stupid American… ugh.

Iggy: Isn't love between two stubborn and emotionally stunted people adorable? -accepts gifts- Nice!

Russia: -tripped by Iggy- AH!

Iggy: Alright, powers, marry.

South: That's not how that works.

Iggy: My Dare House, my rules.

2p!America: -exits closet- Jeez.

2p!England: Somehow I feel different.

Iggy: I put a special sensor spell in there so that you can tell right away if you're pregnant. So congrats, Ollie!

2p!America: -BLEEP-! No way I'm raising a -bleep-ing baby! Bye! -jumps into fanpit-

2p!England: Goodness.

Iggy: He'll be back. Let's move on!

 _Truth: Switzerland, how would you react if you got signed up for anger management classes?_

 _-Sophie_

Switzerland: Shoot the one that did it unless it was Liechtenstein.

Iggy: Him and South both need to chill with the gun stuff…

 _Canada. (I like the 2p! One better. Sorry)_

Anyways I want these to happen. Not really truths or dares but in the middle.

I wanna battle between 1 and 2p! China, England and France.

Turn Germany into HRE (i think HRE is his alternate personality or something) and I want a big reaction from Italy Prussia Austria and Hungary.

Can I be in for one chapter please!?

 _-fairytailasaurus_

Iggy: To address the last thing first, I super can't let people insert themselves or their characters into the fic. It would sort of bog it down. Like imagine if I gave into everyone who asked me that, like the fic would be just OCs and other authors. So, sorry, but no. On a more positive note, Canada! I got like twenty Canadians at work the other day and the reason I know they were Canadians was because I was at the liquor purchasing counter (We don't have liquor stores in Washington, we have liquor counters in big grocery stores like Walmart and Costco) and so they were all buying alcohol and so I had to check all of their IDs and they all had Canadian passports and IDs.

South: We have drive-thru liquor stores in Texas.

Iggy: The South is a whole 'nother planet, I swear. Moving on to our first dare! -everyone is teleported to an arena- 1P VS 2P FIGHTS!

England: -obliterated by Oliver and in fact Iggy has to drag/get South to drag a manically laughing Oliver off of England's body-

China: -held his own against his 2p!self but 2p!China fights dirty so he lost-

France: -2p!France literally stood there and went "please hit me" so he won for once-

Iggy: I believe in the theory that a nation can be "changed" over to a new area if their land becomes something else. An example with Germany/HRE would be that when the HRE dissolved, so did all his personality and most of his memories, while at the same time Germany was more or less being formed, so instead of a new personification being born, the new nation's power and culture was simply shuffled into the old one's body. I don't know if that makes sense but that's what I think of Germany and HRE. But let's move on! Powers, CHANGE!

Germany: -HRE-

Italy: Holy Rome?

HRE: I-Italy, you grew?

Hungary: OH!

Austria: But you were dead!

Prussia: Yeah! You were dead!

HRE: Apparently not.

 _Great series so far. Truth. Japan: What is your favorite anime of all time? Prussia: Name your favorite experience from the time you and Hungary were allies. Sealand: What are your thoughts on people shipping you with Wy? Dare. REVENGE, South: Defeat America Mortal Combat style. Everyone: Admit Sealand is a country._

 _-naidaX P.S. I live in western North Carolina. The mountains are beautiful over here!_

South: -rises-

Iggy: South no. I know you get excited when you see reviewers from your part of the country but no. The Cascade mountains are really visible around here. My high school had a window on the way to the cafeteria, where you could look out on clear days and see Mt. Rainer. It was great. Anyway, Japan, anime.

Japan: I can't choose one…

Iggy: I've been watching _Girls und Panzer_ lately and the tiny Russian schoolgirl is my child now.

Japan: Neat.

Prussia: One time, we scared some of the others off by running and screaming at them with sticks and stuff tucked into our clothes. It was awesome. Afterward we laughed really hard.

Sealand: …What's shipping again?

Hungary: -whispers-

Sealand: -goes bright red- Oh… I… I'm flattered you think I could be with someone so pretty as Wy? Also aren't we both British colony nations and so related?

Iggy: Maybe second cousins. You're still ahead of South.

South: -sweats audibly- Let's move on.

Iggy: -teleports everyone into an arena- CIVIL WAR PART I dunno like three or four by now but FINISH HIM!

South: -runs "off-screen," drops onto America in the car from the Dukes of Hazzard and beeps the horn-

America: -crushed by a car-

Iggy: YEAH! -teleports everyone back, revives America- Everyone admit that Sealand is a real country, guys.

Everyone: -mumbles it-

Iggy: Y'know what I'm on a roll so I'll take that.

 _Funny as usual. Go Jacksonville NC. So here some more :)  
Funfact: Canada has maple scented money. Maple Scented  
Truths:  
Who's older South or North US  
1p England: Witch do you like Better (Wiggles Eyebrows) Belarus or Ukraine. PS. Russia owns you.  
1p and 2p Germany: What your thoughts on Doitsuisum.  
1p Prussia: Are the rumors true? Do you love Hungary  
Dares  
All: Whats MY Gender  
1p England must kiss who every he chose on the lips. (KOLOKOLOKOLOLKOLKOLKOL.) ;)  
South: You must wear a top hat alway for the next ten questions always.  
Well thats all from the souther girl. ~ArmCannos_

South: -rises harder-

Iggy: He gets really excited when reviewers are from his part of the country… Also, a special treat, we'll do some of our reviews from the last posted chapter too, since there aren't very many! We'll be really caught up!

South: don't you have to work tomorrow?

Iggy: Not until five at night because I do all the closing shifts because daytime at Walmart is boring as -bleep-!

Everyone: -ignores Iggy and stares at Canada-

Canada: It sounded like a good idea at the time, eh?

America: Can I smell your wallet?

Canada: Okay. -lets him smell it-

America: DUDE! IT REALLY DOES SMELL LIKE MAPLE!

Others: -all trying to get a chance to sniff it-

Iggy: Alright, alright, calm down, everyone! You can all smell Canada at the end of the chapter! For now, the eternal question of who's older!

South: We're the same outside age so it don't really matter-

America: Me.

South: Technically the first colonies were in Virginia, which is part of my land.

America: I'm still older 'cuz you were still a kid when the Civil War broke out.

Iggy: I think that settles it.

South: My birthday's December 20th. _(Hetalia Narrator voice: December 20_ _th_ _, 1860 was the day South Carolina voted to secede from the union, therefore declaring the Confederacy a separate nation. That's why it's South's birthday, because it's his "independence" day.)_

America: Mine's July 4th. I'm still older.

South: -pushes button-

America: -springboarded- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

England: -suddenly a man again apparently- It isn't really proper for a gentleman to have an opinion in those matters.

France: He likes Ukraine better.

England: I do not! -face red-

Russia: -creepy aura-

England: -sweats- They're both pretty though, really, I honestly can't pick a favorite and it certainly isn't that I don't like either because I do like them but not in the way that you're thinking and please don't hurt me…

Germany: My thoughts on what?

Iggy: -shows him her phone with an article on it pulled up- This.

Germanies: Scary…

Prussia: PFFFT WHAT NO NEVER HAHAHAHAHA -sweats- ha ha ha…

Iggy: Guess the reviewer's gender everyone!

-it's about half and half this time-

Iggy: They're a girl!

Half the nations: -BLEEP-!

The other half: -celebrating-

Iggy: England, whichever sister you picked, you have to kiss. In front of Russia.

England: I refuse on the grounds that I don't have a death wish.

Iggy: Death by Russia or death by fangirls who will sell your eyebrow hair on the internet?

England: -sweat- Uh… -gently kisses Ukraine-

Ukraine: -blushing a lot-

Russia: -evil aura- kolkolkolkol…

England: I'm out. -runs-

Russia: -chases-

Iggy: -puts top hat on South- There! You're fancy now!

2p!America: Painting a dumpster gold doesn't make it not a dumpster.

Iggy: South has to wear that for the next ten reviews or else I lock him in the closet with 2p!America!

South: I'm fine with this.

Iggy: Moving on to a more recent review!

 _Truth:  
America: have you ever sleep or f*** with a woman before? If not, then *kicks him in the crotch*  
England: are you straight, gay, or bisexual?  
Japan: *asks him the same question i asked America* *threatens him with a gun*  
Hungary: when you still believed that you were a male at a young age, did you try to pee while standing up?  
Dare  
BTT: I dare you to barge in to Vietnam's house and try to make her cry. *After the BTT comes back from her house* tell me what happened and what are the results._

 _-Guest_

America: -sweats- I mean there was that time with Iraq when I was over there… her brother was pretty mad.

Syria: -makes threatening hand gestures at America-

South: He's scared of us, that's why he won't come over and fight!

Iggy: Keep going, America.

America: …Mexico, once… and North Korea… and Vietnam… Aaaand maybe Belarus once…

South: I WAS MARRIED TO HER YOU SON OF A-

America: HEY DUDE CHILL THIS WAS BACK IN THE 80S SHE DIDN'T EVEN EXIST TO YOU YET CALM DOWN!

Russia: -stops chasing England in favor of smiling threateningly at America-

America: …I'm gonna stop talking.

Iggy: -lets the reviewer kick him anyway- I love this job.

South: -wince- I felt that.

America: -on the ground in pain- I think there was just a blackout in Miami…

England: The answer to that depends on the decade.

France: Most of us nations go both ways. Some even go all the ways, like me.

England: Nobody asked you-

South: I'm straight.

2p!America: I'm a vegan.

England: South, no one asked you if you were, and Al, that has nothing to do with-

2p!America: Also I vape and do CrossFit.

America: Dude, you do CrossFit?

2p!America: -bleep- no. But I do vape.

Iggy: One time in my yoga class they tried to make us do CrossFit and I just got my stuff and Left because for one, ew, and for two, I have a little bit of asthma and am not risking it.

Japan: ….

Iggy: Shoot the virgin.

America: Dude, you're like a thousand years old. Why haven't you ever done anyone?

Japan: I have, but not with a woman…

2p!America: The plot twist is that it was me. That's it.

Japan: … -shot-

Hungary: I did once, but then I figured you learned how once your thing grew in… Ha, I was a dumb kid…

BTT: RIGHT! -runs-

-an hour later-

BTT: -comes back-

Vietnam: -wiping face as she comes with them-

Iggy: What did you guys do?

Spain: We watched some of France's tragedy films!

France: They're so beautifully sad that a former colony of mine couldn't resist.

Prussia: She got sad.

Iggy: Alright! That's it for this chapter! Next time we'll have done a montage with 2p!England and 2p!America to get that baby out and put it in the fanpit, don't worry! Have fun reading, and leave a review!

* * *

 _ **Sorry about that last chapter. I'm not even sure what formatting is anymore...**_


	11. How long does it take to drive to mars

**_Jumping right in!_**

* * *

Iggy: Alright, before anyone else talks let's do this one!

 _Everyone is called their human names for a chapter_

 _-anon_

Iggy: Alright so here's how this is gonna work. I'm gonna put peoples' nation names in (parentheses) after their human names the first time they talk, so you can get the idea of who's who! Watch! Someone say something!

Alfred(America): One time I ate three deep fried sticks of butter in a row and my chest hurt. It was still awesome.

Iggy: Like that! Now, since we're awaiting reviews since the other chapter just got posted, let's talk about Al!

Al(2p!America): Why?

Iggy: I dunno. Anyway, this particular version of Al is mostly the invention of my friend Sky. He's a partier who cares very little for himself or others and sleeps with anyone. Watch. -shoves the first nation she touches onto Al-

Natasha(Belarus): -shoved- AH!

Al: Nice. -makeout time-

Natasha: -shrug-

Jason(South): -quietly becomes angry because that's his ex, so it isn't his problem but it's _Al_ which is the worst possible choice out of anyone but it _really isn't his problem_ but it's making him _mad_ -

Iggy: -comes back into the house of dares in her white polo and Walmart vest _-glances at that one reviewer who called me a weaboo-_ desu- Okay, I'm back and we have some reviews.

Jason: -looks at negative review- This reviewer don't like me much…

Iggy: I don't think the world likes you very much. Anyway, let's get on to today's reviews! -poofs back into normal clothes-

 _Hey! So, I've read some reviews, and all I'm going to say is that they are absolute poison. People who say the south U.S is nothing like that? No s***. It's representing the confederate side of the U.S. Which no longer exists. And I'm just wondering, what's with all the hate? I've seen worse. I've seen s*** fics that are so much worse. Why bash and hate on this one? Is it because it's popular? Is it because she handles haters the way she does? All I'm gonna say is that, I've gotten about halfway, and so far, the story seems great, and I like the way the characters don't seem too OOC or Mary sue. Keep going! :)_

 _-Shelly_

Iggy: Okay, let me first tell you, thanks for sticking up for me, that's cool of you! Second off, I'm glad you like the fic! I do try my best to have a balance between common fanon versions and canon versions of characters!

Jason: I do too exist! I'm here, ain't I?

Iggy: Actually, let me explain that. Jason's a "pseudo-nation," as in his nation isn't really a thing anymore, but he still exists as an idea. As long as some redneck flies a Confederate flag on his truck or a girl wears her shirt that proclaims "the South will rise again," Jason will exist. So that's how I'm pretty sure some other "non" nations still are living.

 _an someone here read a crappy little fanfic of mine called Theatreverse?_

 _-Chimera Eyes_

Iggy: This isn't technically a dare but uh, I guess go check their fanfic out if you guys want to? I'm pretty popular apparently (11 chapters posted and over 1500 hits) so I guess I can advertise a little for people!

 _North Korea- How did you feel about being outside your home and learn the differences between this country and your country?*insults Kim Jong Un to see if she gets infuriated enough to beat me up* *if she does, then presses the button to get rid of her before she beat me up*  
America & South- since one of you revealed that you are not a virgin, who is your first kiss and who are the people you fell in love?  
Anyone- can countries reproduce the same way as humans reproduce, or countries reproduce in a different way?  
Anyone-can female countries get pregnant?  
Dare  
The Awesome trio- I dare you three to try to entertain Mexico, Belarus, & Vietnam. Split up so one of you could go to one of the victim's house instead of going together. Oh & Prussia, you can't go to Vietnam's cuz you already did on the last chapter.* After they came back with a bruised, bloody face, they immediately locked the front and back door and explained that the girls got angry instead and what they did to the girls.*  
*hears some violent knocking and scowling from three certain women, each looking for a certain someone to kill or beat up*  
England-*whispers*please teleport us to a safe place like a hidden basement._

 _-Guest_

Iggy: Alright! Let's do some dares!

Meyong(North Korea): My country is doing their very best to function in a society where our government is frowned upon. -blush- I do like the way some American foods taste, though…

Iggy: -holding a microphone and looking at a nonexistent camera- The reviewer is yelling from the fanpit. Let's watch. -turns back to the nations-

Meyong: I understand how a dumb outsider would feel like insulting our leader. Stop it. -trying to stay calm-

Iggy: Well, while that's happening let's move on.

Alfred: I don't think Jason's a virgin either…

Al: The dude has thirteen kids with-

Iggy: Al, shhh!

Al: -is shhh'd-

Iggy: Anyway, who did you guys first kiss and who did you fall in love with?

Alfred: …I first kissed Mexico, and I dunno, I don't think I'm in _love_ love with anyone yet…

Jason: Uhm, well… there was uh, a girl, yeah, and it was while I was in school-

Al: Wasn't your school all boys?

Jason: Al, hush. We talked to people outside the school. Anyway, the person I first fell in love with was Nat, but now I'm re-married to the one I really love best.

Iggy: Nation reproduction time!

Arthur(England): So, it's an established fact that a male nation can carry a child, seeing as how we have witnessed certain colonies being born-

Francis(France): He means he gave birth to Alfred and… the other one.

Matthew(Canada): Me?

Francis: Yes, you.

Arthur: -glares- Anyway, none of us are quite sure how our anatomy differs to allow this, but yes, other than the possibility of a male pregnancy, we reproduce normally.

Iggy: South, you answer this one.

Jason: My wife has had eleven kids and is carrying another right now, so I'd think girl nations can have babies just fine.

Natasha: I had his first child. It's very possible, just as possible as for a human woman if you aren't careful. We're harder to sterilize too, due to our bodies' natural repairing system.

Iggy: Amazing! -teleports Gilbert(Prussia) to Natasha's house, Mathias(Denmark) to Lien(Vietnam)'s house and Alfred to Marisol(Mexico)'s house- Now, we wait.

-roughly fifteen minutes later-

Alfred: HELP SHE GOT MAD AT ME FOR STUFF THAT'S JASON'S FAULT!

Gilbert: DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK THERE I HATE THOSE RUSSIAN SIBLINGS JUST DON'T.

Mathias: SHE HIT ME.

Arthur: I'm not hiding you.

Iggy: -as the three get beat up in the background- Let's move on!

 _Truth  
Germany and Prussia- what do you think about Germancest?  
USA- have you farted or vomited in the meeting?  
Anyone- who wants to invade Mars?  
Canada- would you date Russia?  
S. Italy- So,have you ever slept and f*** with a a woman before? *if not, then summons 9M army of hetalia fangirls to chase him*  
dare  
Switzerland and Taiwan-*teleports them to a martial arts dojo and confiscate all their weapons* I dare you two to go on a duel with physical combat. Without any uses weapons will be disqualified. Round 1! Fight!*rings the bell*  
America- kiss whoever you like.  
Axis-*teleports them to a wedding hall in a country where bigamy is legal* i pronounce you  
all spouses. three of you may kiss each other._

 _-Sonyeoshidae_

Iggy: -grabs Gilbert away- Hey, come look at this!

Gilbert: Why is he kissing me?

Ludwig(Germany): We're related, and not American…

Jason, Al and Alfred: HEY!

Alfred: -tackled by Marisol again- AH!

Iggy: -grabs Alfred- Answer the question!

Alfred: Okay, so this is gross, but one time I did both at the same time. -grins- Shady burger places sure are fun! Jason's puked more times than me though.

Al: That's because he literally eats anything that he thinks might be edible. Like a -bleep-ing dog.

Jason: Only when I'm drunk and hungry at the same time.

Iggy: WHO WANTS TO INVADE MARS!

Ivan(Russia): kolkolkolkolkol -evil aura-

Alfred: Well now that he wants to, I want to too!

Peter(Sealand): Maybe if I owned a whole planet you guys would see me as a country!

Jason: I bet if I owned a planet I'd be unstoppable as a country! -iPhone beeps- Siri, how far is it to drive to Mars? (I googled this solely for this joke and the result I got was from Fox News so idk I thought it was funny.) Four hundred years. Maybe I should think of something else…

Iggy: Welp. Hey Matthew!

Matthew: I mean, I… -looks at Ivan- I guess if he asked I'd try it.

Arthur: You aren't allowed to date the likes of him.

Matthew: I'm not a colony any more, though…

Iggy: I had a friend who really shipped RusCan. Sophomore year she was in Japanese Club at our school and her hoodie she bought for the club said "RusCan is life" on the back. I only got one freshman year and it just has Iggy on the back.

Lovino(Romano): Of course I've -bleep-ed a girl before. -lie detector which was put there for some reason buzzes- What the -bleep- was that- -thrown to fangirl army- -BLEEP-

Iggy: NATION FIGHTS! -teleports everyone who isn't Lovino-

Vash(Switzerland): This isn't fair! I don't know martial arts and she does!

Mei(Taiwan): -beats Vash up while he's complaining-

Alfred: -looks at hands- I have been given too much power…

Iggy: -while Mei and Vash are fighting in the background- Kiss Jason. He'll freak out.

Alfred: No, I'm gonna kiss the person I really like.

Iggy: -steps in front of the view as he does it- I can't reveal who he kissed without starting another fangirl war, so here's a fun idea, tell me who you ship America with that isn't England because I already know 90% of people ship UsUk! Anyway, let's keep going! I can make my own rules here! -poof, there is wedding stuff everywhere-

Feliciano(Italy): Oh, it's so pretty! Who's being married?

Iggy: You! -points at Ludwig- and you, -points at Kiku(Japan) and you!

Jason: What have things come to up here with legal weed and three-way gay marriage…

Iggy: -performs the wedding-

Axis nations: -awkward three-way kiss thing-

Iggy: Aw! Now to end on a positive note, weddings! Have a fun time reviewing!

* * *

 ** _The version of South I portray in this fic is a really basic and exaggerated version of his traits, much like the basic frames of the other nations I portray here as well. Anyone who wishes to know anything deeper into headcanon-ville with any of these guys need only ask! Happy reading!_**


	12. The short one

**_For once I have nothing to address on here! Yay for me! Let's go right in!_**

* * *

Iggy: So, I've been on this site since I was twelve and therefore I consider myself a bit of a veteran of sorts, especially in the Sonic the Hedgehog category- -flinches- That's a big ass -bleep-ing moth holy -bleep-

South: I got a phone with text to speech now, so let's do this!

Iggy: Side note, it's not that South _can't_ read, it's that he doesn't read _well_. He'd probably test at about a third grade level.

South: LETS DO THE REVIEW. -boop-

 _USA & South- i dare you to sing uptown funk  
For those women(from chap. 10) who had previously f***ed America(not south and Al)- *whispers so he doesn't hear* can you write a 3 page essay about the size of Florida and what it looks like ? *secretly test if some of them have a dirty mind or not, marks an F on essays about the 'body part', but marks an A on essays about the Florida the state and the land's physical features, meaning the essays prove that whoever did these have a clear mind*_

Vietnam-since you have the same age as China, are you on menopause?

Axis- show me wedding photos.

 _-_ _kndrmb_

Iggy: AMERICAN KARAOKE TIME! -teleports in a karaoke machine-

-about five minutes later-

Iggy: South you weren't singing you were mumbling.

South: I don't know none of these sorts of songs!

Iggy: -presses button- have fun.

South: -springboarded-

Iggy: DO AS THE REVIEWER SAYS, GUYS!

All of them: -hand essays to the fanpit where the reviewer waits-

Iggy: Alright, so, the reviewer wanted to see if you guys had dirty minds. -holds up Mexico's essay- She doesn't have a dirty mind, because she got an A! -holds up North Korea's essay- She didn't either! -holds up Vietnam's- Looks like you failed! -holds up Belarus's- You too!

2p!America: See, if you tested every girl I've slept with that would be most of the nation girls and a large percentage of the crowd down there.

Fangirl: -holds up dark-skinned and red-haired baby- AL, BABY, COME MEET YOUR SON!

2p!America: -ignores- I don't know her.

Vietnam: I am not on menopause! I'm only around America's age physically! That's the way we work, is that we have a real age and a physical age. I might be close in _real_ age to China, but my physical age is far younger!

Italy: -holds up pictures in which is grinning and the other two look very uncomfortable- Ve!

Iggy: Aw! Let's move on!

2p!England: -swats 2p!America- Alphonse, you need to be more responsible! Now go down there and meet my grandbaby!

2p!America: Ow! -bleep-! Fine… -walks into deadly part of fanpit- Goodbye.

 _Belarus, Mexico, & Vietnam- what did those guys(Awesome trio) do to you in the last chapter?_

France- How did you feel about being single?

 _-_ _Guest_

Belarus: I reminded him of what Big Brother would do to him if he found out he was harassing me.

Mexico: I pushed him into an electric fence that his government had put up.

Vietnam: I punched him.

Iggy: There you have it.

France: I liked to be single, but England and I are in more of an open relationship now, as seems to be best for nations. So it's basically the same thing, except I get to come home to someone every night! So, I liked being single, but I like being married even more!

Iggy: Before South even has a chance to speak, let's wrap up! I do need more reviews and such since we've slowed down to a trickle! Happy reading!

* * *

 ** _The other day at work someone started screaming at me because he didn't notice my register was closed and that somehow made me stupid. He said he'd wait outside to make sure I was actually going home like the supervisor who came over said I was. I made my dad come walk me out to the car that night. There wasn't any need though because three police cars were already outside with lights going in the parking lot for a separate reason. Walmart is fun._**


End file.
